After the Days
by jessmerrick
Summary: She made herself ill getting him back from Edora, and now Sam's paying the price...
1. After the Days

"Welcome back SG-1. Jack, it's so good to see you! Report to the infirmary, followed by the bar. First round is on me!" Hammond greeted them merrily in the SGC Gate Room.  
  
"Yes sir. Thanks. Good to see you too," Jack said, shaking his hand.  
  
"Permission to be excused immediately sir?" Carter requested.  
  
"I think you deserve it. Report to Doctor Fraiser and you're free to do whatever, after we talk. I need a word with you," Hammond looked concerned. "Oh, and I want to thank you again Sam."  
  
"It was nothing sir. Obviously. But thanks," she said. She didn't look at O'Neill during this sentence, but felt like glaring at him. Or perhaps shooting him.  
  
"Okay, catch you up later Carter, D, T, coming?" Jack asked. The three men walked out leaving Sam and Hammond in the gate room.  
  
"Sir?" Carter asked.  
  
"Major, are you all right?" Hammond asked, in a gentle voice.  
  
"Yes sir. I'm fine," She snapped.  
  
"Well I sure as hell don't think so," His voice was angrier now, he was really worried about her. She looked ill.  
  
"Look sir, I'm okay. Don't need to worry about me. Shouldn't it be O'Neill you're talking to? You haven't seen him in 100 days. Lots of hockey scores to tell him aren't there?" She exclaimed. She then turned and headed for the infirmary, leaving the General scratching his head.

He didn't usually get attitude from Carter.

* * *

"Well, you guys seem fine - all of you. Carter too," O'Neill commented, as he rummaged through one of the drawers in Daniel's cabinet. The three men were searching the lab for an important memo Daniel had misplaced.  
  
"Mmm," Danny muttered, going slightly red.  
  
"Well, I'm home. I guess. Everything's back to normal," Jack said with a sigh. Daniel and Teal'C exchanged annoyed glances.  
  
"You are mistaken O'Neill. Not everything is back to normal," Teal'C told him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You can't just come back after 100 days and pretend that everything's fine. That everything's back to normal, because it isn't! And I don't think it'll ever be the same again!" Daniel yelled, losing his temper. It didn't happen that often – only when there was something **really** bugging him.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"For the past few months, Major Carter has been working day and night, non-stop for you! I walked past her lab every night at gone midnight and hear her crying because she believed that it was her fault you were stranded off world! We all saw her..." Daniel finished Teal'C's sentence off for him.  
  
"Janet, Teal'C, Simmons and I is us. We saw her piling on the make-up and we saw the clothes getting smaller and smaller. I believe she's currently two sizes less than she was when you first got stuck on Edora," The younger man explained. "She worked 24/7 with practically no rest, and even when she took a break she felt guilty. You really hurt her, Jack. Not just emotionally, but physically too, because she's been on such a whack routine!"

"It isn't my fault I got stuck on Edora."

"No, it isn't. But you were so ungrateful when we showed up," The archaeologist was fuming now, and Jack was still confused.

"You never once said thank you, never once noticed how damn pale she looks, how damn thin! Then she finds you with Laira when she secretly..." Daniel covered his mouth, deciding whether or not to tell him. "When she secretly loves you! How would all that make you feel? Think about that Jack. Think."

Daniel and Teal'C walked out together, leaving him alone in the lab.

He walked down to infirmary, thinking about what his friends had said. 'Nah. They're sssooo exaggerating! Oh well. I'll check on her anyway. They're right about not saying thanks.'  
  
He was walking by the first side room when he saw that the door was slightly open. He could hear two voices. Carter's and Janet's. He peeked through the gap to see what all the shouting was about.

"JANET! Just get all this over with okay? I am fine!" Sam yelled, waving her arms around.  
  
"SAM! I AM ORDERING YOU! GET ON THE DAMN SCALES WILL YOU?" The Doctor hissed. He'd never seen her that angry before. It was kind of scary. He saw Sam climb up on to the scales, reluctantly.  
  
"Thank you. Oh god. Sam, how many times did I warn you about this? Every single time I brought you something to eat or drink! That's how often! Three or four times every day! And you still went on! Does he really mean that much to you?" Janet asked, writing something down on a chart.  
  
"You know he does!" Sam replied, sitting down on the bed. "Besides, it was my job to get him back."  
  
"Enough to loose almost three stone?" Jack gasped, and Sam started crying, silently. Janet sat down next to Sam and put her arms around her. "I'll help you Sam. You just need to stop what you're doing to yourself before you crash. I can get help for you, but you need to make yourself do it."  
  
"How did I get like this Janet? I'm just like Nicole aren't I?" She sniffed.  
  
"No. You aren't going to die. Now you've been neglecting yourself for about three months. You just have to start taking care of yourself now. It'll take a lot of time, but you'll get back to normal. You can stop this Sam. You have to take control. If you do, I know you'll be fine!" Janet assured her.  
  
"Thanks. I will do something about this," She replied quietly. "I just...At first I didn't have time, you know? Then, I just honestly forgot. But after a couple of weeks, I'd get home, pass the fridge. And I'd go to get something, but I couldn't."  
  
"You're damned right you will do something about it!" Jack replied, standing in the doorway. "This is all because of me! It's all my fault! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry Sam!"  
  
Sam stood up, and dropped to the floor, landing in an unconscious heap.

* * *

Re-written. I originally wrote this when I was about 11 or 12, so I polished it and tweaked bits and pieces of it. I posted 5 new parts (last year) on Carterfic but that's the only place they actually made it to, so for most readers those parts will be new! I'm working on an ending to the series – I've mislaid my plans, but I'm pretty sure I can remember most of it. Thanks for reading, please leave feedback. (No flames please, it's just not nice.)


	2. Shrinking Violet

Authors Notes: For the person who asked, a stone is a weight measurement. The English use pounds/lbs and stones. I didnt realise that was just us. It's a lot of weight...basically. A lot. A couple of dress sizes.

* * *

Samantha Carter lay in the Cheyenne Mountain Infirmary, surrounded by bleeping machines and equipment. The only other people in the room were Janet, Hammond, Jack, Teal'C and Daniel. It was deserted.  
  
There was silence. Complete and total quiet. Daniel was pacing around, Janet was sitting on the bed next to Sam's, Hammond next to her, and Teal'C was standing up in the corner. Jack was sitting next to her bedside holding her hand.  
  
"What did you mean about her sister, Janet? Nicole was it? What was that about?" Jack asked. He looked as scruffy as the day he had walked back in to the SGC for the first time in a year.

He hadn't shaven in days, and had been wearing the same clothes for three days in a row. He had not left the infirmary knowing that his second in command who had risked and done so much for him was lying in a hospital bed.  
  
"Hmm?" Sam groaned, opening her eyes slowly.  
  
"Hey there Sam. How you feeling?" The Colonel asked, giving her a warm smile.  
  
"W...what happened?" She said, in barely a whisper.  
  
"You passed out on us Sam. Don't you remember?" Janet stepped forward.  
  
"Y...yeah I think I do," She croaked. "Oh boy! I feel!"  
  
"I expect you will for quite a while Sam. That's why I'm ordering you to take it easy. I'm not even sure when I'll be able to let you out," Janet told her, relieved that her friend was awake.  
  
"It is good to see you awake MajorCarter. My presence is required elsewhere. Please excuse me. I shall return later though," Teal'C walked over to her bedside, kissed her on the cheek, and left.  
  
"Yeah. Good to see you awake. I gotta go and do stuff," Daniel left with Teal'C.  
  
"Let us go and watch MASH. Perhaps Hawkeye's antics will cheer us up, DanielJackson," Teal'C suggested.  
  
"Major Carter, I'm allowing you as much time as you may need off. You just need to concentrate on getting well. I'll come and see you later. Excuse me, but I have a phone call to make. Oh, your father is currently busy, but we will keep trying to contact him." Hammond gave his best friend's daughter a hug, and walked over to the door.  
  
"Thanks. General?" Sam called.  
  
"Yes Sam?" Hammond asked, turning around.  
  
"Don't call him. Please. He can't go through this again. Anyway, I'll probably be better and back exploring planets before you can reach him," she begged.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"I am. Very sure," She nodded.  
  
"Then we will stop trying," Hammond nodded and walked out too.  
  
"Well Sam, I need to run a few tests and stuff," Janet announced, picking up a clipboard.  
  
"I'll see you later then kiddo," Jack kissed her hand and stood up.  
  
"Colonel," Sam said, with a face that said 'don't leave me. Please.'  
  
"Are you gonna do anything an old Colonel can't stay for, Doc?" He asked.  
  
"Not today, no. You're welcome to stay, if that's what you both want," Janet agreed.  
  
"Please stay sir," Sam held his hand tightly.  
  
"Okay, I'll stay." Jack gave his 2ic a huge Jack O'Neill smile. One that he only gave her.  
  
"What a welcome home hey?" Sam was crying.  
  
"Hey, it's okay! Sam, you'll get better. I know you will. But you getting better is all that matters now. Please don't cry," Jack pleaded.

* * *

"There. We're all done for today I think. I have to go and see Cassandra. Her sitter is ill and had to go home. That's who was calling. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Oh, Doctor Warner is down the hall if you need him. He'll be coming in to check on you every twenty minutes or so, okay?" Janet inquired, packing up her stuff.  
  
"Yeah. Bye. Tell Cassy I said hi," O'Neill requested.  
  
"Me too," Sam added.  
  
"Will do," Janet smiled and left the infirmary.  
  
"Did I hear you talking about Nicole earlier?" Sam asked Jack, when Janet had left.  
  
"Yeah. I just wondered..." Jack shook his head, and stopped himself. "Never mind."  
  
"What happened to her? That's what you were wondering," Sam took a deep breath and tried to sit up. Jack stood her pillows up behind her, and she leaned back.  
  
"It was my birthday, on the 17th May. I was nineteen that day, and I was sitting in the movies with my boyfriend David. When the movie had finished we were talking about stuff, and my family happened to come up. Of course I told him the normal stuff that he was used to hearing, like my dad was off fighting, my mom was well...of course, dead, still..." Sam recalled.  
  
"Your mom died when you were a kid?"  
  
"Yeah. She died when I was fifteen," Sam replied. "I told him Marc was working, and that I was by myself that day, so I was glad he had remembered. Then Nicole came up. Nicole was my sister. She was twenty-one back then. She...she was a gymnast. She was desperate to follow in our footsteps, especially as my mom was an Olympic Gold Medallist. I hadn't been so lucky to get there but I'll explain in a second. I was competing at a good level, but I had gone through two years of hell with my gymnastics, so had decided not to go for the Olympics two years after I had just about gotten better. I was anorexic. Some days because of my Coach, I would train from four in the morning, go to school at nine, go back to the gym at three forty five and stay until eleven at night. In that time, I would either starve myself or stuff myself and through it all up. I had gone to the Divisionals, just before the Olympic Trials, and aced the beam, floor and vault putting me in second place, with enough points to qualify if the bars went right. The bars were my weakness though. I had only started using them shortly before because of some problems that I'd had. Anyway, last event. My vision was all blurry, but I did it anyway. I let go, flipped and missed the bar. I fell with a crash nearly killing myself. I did get better, after a while. But I couldn't stop Nicole. She was older than me and knew what she wanted. I warned her. I did. But she made exactly the same mistakes I did and fell in the same way. But she wasn't as lucky as me. She died in my arms. I'd ran down when she'd fell."  
  
"God!"  
  
"I know."

* * *

**_"Safe until the darkness falls,  
  
To loneliness a demon calls,  
  
Creeping in, arousing my fears,  
  
To breathe the language that no one else hears..." _**

Sam sang along to her walk man as she sat typing at her lap top in her temporary base quarters one month later.

**_"Can I cope alone tonight,  
  
The shrinking violet I've become inside?  
  
To you I may seem insecure,  
  
Did you know me, what I was before?"_**

She stopped typing and took another sip of her coffee.

**_"I remember dancing as a child  
  
A careless confidence danced with me,  
  
Whatever happened to the sun?  
  
Only seemed to notice when it had gone." _**

She did not notice O'Neill coming in ready to meet her for her next appointment with Janet.

**_"Lead me back to where it seems  
  
I danced alone in sunlit dreams  
  
Unafraid to play with fire  
  
With a view through child's eyes,  
  
Naive and wild..."_**

She sung away. Jack smiled. She was getting better.

**_"Can I...remember..."_**

She sung quietly, pausing.

_**"If I...ever...meet again with her  
  
Could I tell her I could live with her?  
  
If I...ever...meet again with her  
  
I will...tell her I could live with her  
  
I will cope alone tonight  
  
I'll fight these demons that I've tried to describe  
  
I won't be so insecure  
  
I will show you what I was before!  
  
I will dance then as a child  
  
A careless confidence will dance with me  
  
I'll be warmed there by the sun,  
  
You would notice when I had gone."**_

('Shrinking Violet.' Written by Heather Findlay, Mostly Autumn.)

She turned her tape off and turned around to find the Colonel grinning.  
  
"Colonel! Hi!" She was a bit embarrassed.  
  
"Hey Carter. Nice singing. Nice song. Who was it?" O'Neill asked, throwing her jacket over to her.  
  
"Mostly Autumn. An English band. My brother's wife is English and likes them," Sam explained.  
  
"Oh. You ready?" He asked.  
  
"I think so," She sighed and put her jacket on.  
  
"You're doing really well Sam. You mustn't give up now. You're beating this thing," Jack put his arm around her. "And you know I'll be with you again. Warner and Janet with me there are they?"  
  
"No. Thanks. Let's go." Carter nodded. She threw the cling film from her sandwich in the bin.  
  
"You have a little mayo right there!" O'Neill pointed to her chin.  
  
"Thanks. I have to save this file. I'll be up in a second," she told him.  
  
"Okay. I'll be waiting in Jan's office," O'Neill walked off, smiling. He could leave her. He trusted her. She was smart and was trying very hard. He knew this.  
  
Sam saved the document and noticed her bathroom light was on. She went in to turn it off but instead found herself locking the door...

* * *

"Hey! Here she is!" O'Neill said, seeing Sam enter Jan's office.  
  
"Sam, you're doing fine. I have to go because SG-10's due back and they have injured. You're doing very well and I'm very pleased. Keep it up. You can go home now. I feel you're doing okay. Colonel O'Neill will drive you home. Okay? I'm really pleased. You're beating this thing Sam."

Sam ran in to the kitchen once Jack had gone and removed the contents of the fridge. ''You're beating it.' She remembered. 'You're doing very well.' The words echoed in her head.  
  
She shook her head and started stuffing herself. She was so hungry inside but she knew she would feel to guilty afterwards. She knew what she would do after.


	3. Deception

After the Days  
Part 3: Deception  
By JessMerrick aka JolinarCarter

-

Sam Carter turned on the lamp and stared over at her alarm clock. 7:00am. Usually she would be up and at it, but not today. Today she didn't have an appointment with her Doctor until one o'clock. She could sleep in.  
  
Monday, Wednesday and Friday she got up at seven and the Colonel picked her up early at half past. Then they would go to breakfast. But she had another few hours of glorious sleep. Because yesterday was...Tuesday...NO!  
  
The alarm clock beeped and she turned it off by hitting it. She groaned, pulled back the covers and got out of bed. She then got ready to go with Jack and sat in the living room and waited.  
  
"Sam, it's your favourite person!" A voice announced from behind the door.  
  
"David Duchovny? To see me? Wow!" Sam teased him, opening the door. "Hey sir. I'm ready."  
  
"Hey Sam, you look...hey Sam!" Jack was smiling on the outside but inside he was worried for his friend. She looked like Netu. "Let's roll then."  
  
Once they were in the car, he started the engine and they headed for the local diner on the way to work. "Sir, you know, I appreciate you looking out for me and everything, but you don't have to be my baby sitter. I'm fine now. Getting there anyway," she told him.  
  
"Yes, that may be true but I have to make sure. It's my fault you weren't fine!" He reminded her.

* * *

After she'd finished her pancakes, Sam excused herself and headed to the bathroom. O'Neill sat back in his seat, and strectched out. He waited a couple of minutes, and then decided to go himself.

He walked down the corridor to the bathroom and passed the women's. He could hear the sound of someone being sick, and immediately, he knew who it was. He shook his head, and sighed.

He had honestly thought she was getting better. He thought she had stopped all of this. He had hoped she'd stopped.

* * *

"I'll see you later," O'Neill said, walking off.  
  
"Okay. Now, let's see...Lunch with Teal'C as usual at 12, Janet and Warner at 1...nothing else happening. Any messages?" Sam touched a button on her answering machine.  
  
"You have one message. Message one:" The answer machine said. Suddenly, George Hammond's voice could be heard.  
  
"Major, please meet me in my office when you get in." He said.  
  
"Better go see what he wants," she thought aloud, and walked out. She arrived at her boss's office a few minutes later. She was about to knock, but left it and put her ear to the door.  
  
"I'm just not sure she is well enough to get back to work! She keeps asking me if she can but she really is tired. Physically tired. She needs more time. I would definately not recommend her being back on active for at least two weeks! I know it's been a long time but she is not ready yet. She's too thin which, I think, means too weak right now. She's put some weight back on...but she's nowhere near her starting weight. This is very serious. She isn't eating. She's anorexic and apparently Colonel O'Neill found her throwing up, which is bulimia. This is a major problem! " She heard Janet shout. "I am sorry but she isn't ready! She needs therapy, and we need to monitor her weight and her eating. I don't care who says she needs to be back on active! As I said, she will most certainly crack under the slightest bit of pressure right now, and I don't need to tell you how close she was to dying!" Janet was really angry. "Furthermore, if you put her out there while she is still ill you are endangering her team."  
  
Sam opened the door and walked in, tears rolling down her face. "Is that all you think of me? Do you really see me like that? Like a child? Like a weakling? Like someone who'll crack and go back to her old ways? Who'll kill herself? Do you really see me like that?" She yelled, and paused, and then finally ran out, leaving Daniel, Teal'C, Warner, Janet, Hammond and Jack opened mouthed.  
  
"SAM!" Jack shouted, running out, giving Janet a quick glare. He lost her for a few minutes, and stopped. "If I were her where would I go right now? After something like that?" Jack thought, and then ran off down the corridor.  
  
He eventually found Sam topside. He stood next to her. "I...I don't want this to be me, if this is who I've become! I can't do it again! It took me two years! I can't go on that long! And the worst thing is this time I can't just wave a piece of Goa'uld technology in the air and cure myself like I can with a virus! And...if that's what you all think...then..." She stopped talking.  
  
"I know this is hard Sam, but...that isn't what she meant!"  
  
"Yes it was what she meant. And how could you know? How? Tell me HOW COULD YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS LIKE? HOW COULD YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH FOR THE SECOND TIME AFTER SWEARING THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN AFTER HAVING MY BIG SISTER DIE IN MY ARMS BECAUSE OF THIS? HOW?????" She screamed, dropping to the floor. Jack sat next to her and put his arms tightly around her.  
  
"I don't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Janet never wanted to hurt you. She is pleased with your progress, but the big boss guys want to put you back in the field and look at you, are you really ready Sam?" Jack asked her. Sam just sat in the same position, crying and hugging Jack. "LOOK AT YOU!"

"You caught me, this morning?" She sniffed. "You followed me?"

"No. I actually just went to the mens room. On the way, I passed the ladies room, and I heard. I'm sorry, Sam, but I had to tell Janet," he explained.

"I know," she eventually nodded. "Please help me?"

"I'm here," he smiled. "I'm here."


	4. Faith

"Home sweet home!" Jack O'Neill exclaimed, falling on to the sofa next to his friend. "I put your bags up in the guest room." He told her. He put his arm around her, seeing the tears rolling down her face. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing." She lied.  
  
"Sam," He didn't believe her.  
  
"This is just all too hard sir!" She cried.  
  
"What's all too hard?" He asked, frowning. It had been a week and five days since her breakdown at the top of the mountain. She'd stayed in the infirmary under supervision, and she'd been doing well enough for Janet to release her into Jack's care.  
  
"This! Trying to get better! The truth is what they said is right! I can't do it!" Sam told him.  
  
"Major Carter I will not allow you to think like that. Understood?" Jack knew that was a good way to get her to do something. "UNDERSTOOD?"  
  
"Yes sir," She nodded, and then sniffed.  
  
"Good. Here. Wipe your eyes," He said, handing her a box of tissues. "That's better. Do you want something to drink?" He offered.  
  
"Please."  
  
"What do you want?" He asked, heading for the kitchen. He made a pit stop and removed matches and a box from a cabinet drawer.  
  
"Orange juice?" She replied with a shrug. "What's that box?"  
  
"Red?" He took the carton out of the fridge and showed it to her.  
  
"Okay." She nodded.

"This box is full of incense cones. Daniel told me you had some in your room at home, so I got some to put in the guest room," he shrugged. "I just thought it might help you feel more at home. I also cleared out the closet so you can put your clothes away, and I put a few pictures of you and Cassandra in there. It's a bit dull without."

* * *

"I'm starved!" Jack announced finally, standing up. It was seven o'clock, and he didn't usually eat this late, but he'd been engrossed in the movie they were watching. "What shall we have for dinner?" He asked.  
  
"I'm not hungry sir. Have whatever you want," She told him, taking a sip of her second glass of orange juice.  
  
"Sam! Prove to us that you're getting better!" He said, reminding her that they were monitoring her food. At least, she sighed, she didn't have a food diary like the one she'd had when she was sixteen. That was Jack's job this time around, not hers.  
  
"Okay. What ever you want though," She agreed.  
  
"Good." He tried to think of Sam's favourite, but decided it was too complicated for him to cook. "Pizza and chips I think."

* * *

"Here's your room. I hope it's okay. It was kind of last minute," Jack led her in to the large guest bedroom, which was painted a lovely shade of light blue.  
  
"It's lovely. Thanks sir," she nodded, sniffing and grinning at the smell of the incence.  
  
"Jack."  
  
"Jack. Thanks for doing this. I think I would have gone crazy if I had to stay in that base any longer!" Sam laughed. She sat down on the end of the bed.  
  
"S'okay. I enjoy your company. What time shall I wake you up?" He asked, moving toward the door.  
  
"Before you go," She replied, trying not to put him out at all.  
  
"Before I go where? Work? Daniel's off playing with his rocks somewhere, Teal'C's with his son and you're off. What am I gonna do at work? I have some time off too," Jack explained, with a grin.  
  
"Cool. Err...nine?" Sam checked.  
  
"Sure. Okay, I'm right across the hall in there, and you know where the bathroom is don't you?" Sam nodded. "Cool. Night then. Oh, and if you want a bath before bed, there might be some bath salts and stuff in the cabinet. I ended up with some of Sara's stuff. Never got around to giving it back."

She nodded. "Thanks."  
  
"Night."

* * *

"Good morning!" Jack grinned at the sight of his Major asleep in his bed! Well...his guest room bed. But his bed sounded cooler!  
  
"Hmmrmmm!" She groaned, turning over, away from him.  
  
"Time to get up sleeping beauty!" He placed the tray with her breakfast on on the bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Daddy, just give me five more minutes!" She pleaded, pulling the duvet up so that her face was covered.  
  
"I haven't been called that in a long time!" Jack laughed, shaking her.  
  
Sam threw the covers back and smiled sleepily. "Hmmrrmm. Morning," She yawned. "Sorry. Very tired."  
  
"I can tell. I would have let you sleep in if your breakfast wasn't going cold!" He looked over at the table.  
  
"Oh! You didn't need to...thanks!" She smiled.  
  
"I'll leave you to wake up & get dressed & everything." Jack said, getting up and stretching, before walking out to the lounge. Sam could hear James Earl Jones announcing that Jack was watching CNN.

* * *

"Jack O'Neill." Jack picked up the phone after it rang for the fourth time.  
  
"Hello son," General George Hammond said, cheerfully.  
  
"General."  
  
"I just thought I'd ring and check that Major Carter is all right? Did she have a good night?" Hammond felt a little guilty. After all he had called her to his office, and she had heard his message when she got in and come straight away to find him and her friends talking about how much they doubt her. At least that was what it must have sounded like.  
  
"That's sweet sir. I think she's okay. She had a bit of a cry when she got here. I've just woken her up with breakfast in bed," He replied. He heard a door open and then another close, and then the taps running. "She's running a bath now."  
  
"That was nice of you Jack. What do you have planned for today? Doctor Fraiser is sick, and has asked that I look after Cassandra. It's my day off, so I am. She'll be here in half an hour so I thought maybe we'd come over?" Hammond suggested.  
  
"Sure. I'm sure she'd love that. I would. I don't get to see Cassy often enough. Double for Sam. Do that sir. See you later," Jack agreed, nodding even though Hammond wouldn't be able to see it.  
  
"We'll be there about ten," Hammond said, and then hung up.  
  
Jack put the phone down and then headed to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Sam?"  
  
"It's okay. I'm still dressed!" She called, and hee opened the door to find her sitting on the side of the bath, waiting for it to finish running. "Hey. That was a nice breakfast. You're quite a good cook."  
  
"Thanks," He grinned, perching next to her. "Oh, I love the pyjamas," he commented, with a grin. She looked down at her blue and white sheep pjs and laughed embarrasedly. "So what are you going to wear?" He asked. He looked over to the door and saw an outfit hanging on a coat hanger, on the back of the door.

"I was thinking of wearing that...but...I think I'll put something different on," she sighed. "Maybe I'll wear the shirt with a cardigan and a different skirt. That one is too..."

"If you're worried about how you'll look...just don't, okay? I'm sure it'll look great," he smiled, patting her hand. He stood up, and walked over to the door. "I like this shirt. Loose the sweater!"  
  
"That an order?" She asked with a smile.  
  
"Sure is," he nodded.  
  
"So what's your plan for the day then Jack?" She asked.  
  
"Dunno. I need to go shopping at some point today," he replied, with a small shrug.  
  
"Oh. Why don't you go now? I'll come with you." Sam suggested. "I can be ready in about fifteen minutes."  
  
"Nah. I'm expecting a delivery at about ten." He lied.  
  
"Oh. Okay."

* * *

"Sam, can you get that?" Jack called from the kitchen. She frowned at him, and then went to open the door. He strolled through the hall and joined her. "Hi General! Cass! Come on in!"  
  
"Hi." Sam hugged Cassie.  
  
"How are you feeling Sam?" Cassie asked.

"Okay thank you Cassandra." She replied.  
  
"Good. You look nice in that top. You look very different to how you did last time I saw you. Your hair's longer! I like it. And you're still a lot thinner!" She noticed. Jack and Hammond glared at the girl. It wasn't really her fault but they had talked about this.  
  
"I'm...err...I'm a little cold. I'm gonna go put the heating on Jack," Sam said as Cassie and Hammond came in to the house.  
  
"'Kay." Jack nodded. Sam disappeared off down the hall, and Jack took the guests in to the living room. Cassandra sat down on the couch. "Cassie!"  
  
"What? Why are we whispering?" She whispered.  
  
"Cassandra. Do you remember what I told you in the car?" Hammond asked., sitting down beside her.  
  
"Yep. Don't talk about Sam's illness. Actually Uncle George, it was more like a ten minute speech. Yes I remember," She nodded.  
  
"What do you call 'And you're a lot thinner' then? A compliment?" Jack snapped. He regretted it immediately. "It's not exactly what she wants to hear right now okay? What you were talking about is exactly the same as what we've asked you not to talk about! Understand?"  
  
"Aha." Cassie sunk in to the couch and looked at the carpet. Jack went to find Sam.

He found her in her room lying on the bed. She was crying. He sat down next to her and gave her a hug. "She didn't mean it Sam. It just...slipped out!"  
  
"Sure! Right! Yeah! I know she's just a kid and she didn't mean to upset me but she meant it Jack! Like Janet meant everything she said!" Sam yelled, pushing him away.  
  
"Look, I'll go get you some tissues okay?" Jack popped out of the room and went to the kitchen via the lounge. "Well done Cassie." He could see she was feeling bad already so he apologised. "Sorry. She's really upset though."  
  
"I'd like to talk to her Jack. I've known her since she was little. Since this all happened back then," Hammond explained.  
  
"Sure." Jack handed Hammond a box of tissues and sat down next to Cassie. He put his arm around her, and sighed. "I'm sorry Cass."

"Sam?" Hammond called, as he entered her room. He sat down on the bed.  
  
"Sir," She sniffed.  
  
"Cassandra's almost crying too Sam. She's really sorry," Hammond told her calmly.  
  
"It's too hard! I can't do this! One hundred days of ignoring this and letting it get too far is enough, but the time after it where I have to stop is even worse! I feel like hell and everyone seems to like reminding me! I feel like an idiot for what's happened! I can't go through those two years of hell again sir!" She cried. George just put his arms around her.  
  
"I remember when this happened before, Sam. You got through it didn't you? It took time but you did. You will this time. And I think you will quicker. Know why? You're stronger."  
  
"Sir, I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! Everyone pretends that I'm normal...that I'm better! But inside they think I can't do it! AND THEY ARE RIGHT! If I don't think I have the ability to recover, how the hell is anyone else? I can't trust myself. AND PEOPLE CAN'T TRUST ME IF I DON'T TRUST MYSELF! IT'S NOT FAIR FOR ME TO ASK THEM TO! THEY'D ALL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME! If...If I were DEAD!" 


	5. Overdose

Hammond stormed out of Sam's room and in to the lounge. "Okay Cassandra, honey, go and play in the garden or something okay? Good girl. Okay. Jack call Dr Fraiser, Doctor Warner, Doctor MacKenzie, any of them! Get Teal'C and Daniel here too! Get them here NOW!" He commanded.

"Yes sir!" Jack didn't question his order, he just picked up the phone and dialled. "Janet. Get your team, and Teal'C and Daniel right here right now!" He ordered. "Sam. Okay. As soon as possible!" He hung up. "Sir?"  
  
"She's talking about killing herself Jack!"  
  
"And you left her alone? With an open window and medication in the night stand?" Jack yelled, grabbing his zat and heading for Sam's room. If he needed to shoot her with the zat to stop her, he would. Hammond followed him, shaking his head. He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid.  
  
"I had to tell you to call Janet! And there's medication in there?"  
  
"YES SIR!" Jack tried to open the door but couldn't, so he kicked it down and marched in, finding Sam, lying on the floor, crying and yelling. She was coughing too, she couldn't breathe. Jack looked her over, and found three pill bottles behind her, all with the lids off, and all empty. "Sir, are they here yet?"  
  
"No!" Hammond was panicking. Jack talked to her, and tried to calm her down and keep her awake as they waited for Janet to arrive.  
  
"Okay, stay calm! Don't panic!" At that moment, Janet and her team ran in and she took charge. It was a good job Jack lived only fifteen minutes from the base.  
  
"Oh my god! Okay let's get a..." Janet started ordering her people about, while Hammond, Teal'C and Daniel just stood staring. Jack ran out, feeling sick at the sight of his best friend and the woman he had thought was so strong, lying on the floor, dying. But he would have to deal with it later. Right now there was a little girl outside who knew that she was the reason that her hero and her best friend was trying to kill herself.  
  
He shook his head, wiped his eyes and went outside, putting on a brave face for the girl who was definitely blaming herself right now.

But where was she?

He went down to the shed.

Nope. Not in there.

He looked everywhere.

Then he spotted Cassy's tree house.

He'd built it for her when she was 12, as she spent so much time there that year. He climbed up, but no one was there.

She was gone.

From up there, he could now see the side gate. It was open. She had gone.  
  
He hurried down and ran out the gate, stopping as he saw the medical team loading a pale and almost dead Sam on to the ambulance. "Janet, take care of her! Daniel, come with me!" Jack ordered. He ran off and Daniel shrugged and ran after him.  
  
"Jack! What's going on? I thought you'd be the first to go with Sam!" Daniel asked.  
  
"Cassy's run away! We have to find her! Daniel, she thinks that this is all her fault! She thinks she's killed her best friend! That 13-year-old girl thinks she's a murderer for crying out loud! We gotta find her!" Jack cried.  
  
"Calm down. Think. Where would a thirteen year old go at a time like this? Somewhere quiet. Alone," Daniel panted.

* * *

"I don't think it's good sir," A nurse answered Hammond, trying to get them out of the Colorado Air Force Academy Hospital Emergency Room, and in to the relatives room. "I'll tell you if anything happens. But I don't think she'll make it. The combination she took would have killed most people by now. She should be dead. I doubt she'll make it in to the next hour." She told them honestly.  
  
"But it's five to!" Hammond exclaimed.  
  
It didn't look good.

* * *

Short but sweet?


	6. Runaway

"Cassandra! CASSY!" Jack was panicking now. They had been looking for Cassandra for an hour now with no luck. They reached the park, and ran over to the bridge where Cassandra used to love to hide when playing water guns with Teal'C.

Daniel looked under it and found her sitting, curled up. There were tears falling down her face and she was shivering.

"JACK!" Jack rushed over and wrapped his arms around her. "Cassandra!" He was so relieved. "Come on sweetheart we've got to get to the hospital!"  
  
"No." She cried. 

"No? Listen Cassandra, this is not your fault! And I'm sure you'd rather get the chance to say goodbye to her than not! Wouldn't you?" He asked. She nodded and he led her out from underneath the bridge. He put his jacket around her and they went back to his house and climbed in to the truck.  
  
Soon they arrived at the hospital and found Teal'C and Hammond pacing in the Waiting Room. "How is she?" Was the first thing that came out of Jack's mouth.  
  
"Cassandra honey, why don't you go get something to eat?" Hammond suggested, removing his wallet from his jacket and giving her some cash. Cassy nodded and went off to the cafeteria. Her eyes were red, and he could tell she had been crying. "Where was she?"  
  
"The park, sir. Let me ask you again, how is she?" O'Neill repeated his question and Hammond looked over to the other side of the room. Janet Fraiser walked in and closed the door, sitting down.

"Where's Cassandra? You told me she was with them sir!" Janet asked, looking around.  
  
"Don't worry Doctor she's in the canteen." Hammond replied, sitting down opposite her.  
  
"Well, I suggest we get Jacob or one of the Tok'ra to heal her. I'm sure she'd rather it was someone other than General Carter but I think he needs to know, and he is also our best option," Janet informed them, putting her clipboard on the floor.  
  
"Agreed. I'll get him here as soon as I can." Hammond nodded, heading outside to make a call on his cell phone.  
  
"What if Jacob or any of the Tok'ra can't come?" Janet didn't answer that in words, but Jack could tell from her face what the response was. She stood up and went back to work.

* * *

Again, short. I know these are short. And they might get shorter. But, thats how I wrote them waaay back. I've edited them, updated them, but basically they're the same.

Now they will get longer. The new parts will be longer and much better, promise!!


	7. Out of Reach

Jacob Carter smiled and took a bite of a local food called Kyan, kind of like a pie. The night sky was a beautiful shade of purple, his wife's favourite colour. He closed his eyes and he could just see her, dressed in that lavender dress on Sam's fourth birthday, spent at Disney World. His daughter reminded him a lot of Ellie, and regretted that this was why he had not been able to face her after her Mother's death. "Oh Ellie Michelle, I wish you could see this place. I wish you could see Sam, she is so like you. She's doing so well in her job." He said to himself. Martouf looked over and smiled.  
  
"I am sure that she can. I believe that Jolinar is in the sky watching over me always. The Tok'ra believe very strongly in ascension, where one is ascended in to a higher being. I believe it is similar to your concept of angels. We also believe that if we live our lives well, and always be good, that we will ascend to and join them, watching over the ones we care for," Martouf told his friend, taking a sip of his water. He stood up and walked down  
the hill.  
  
"That's a nice thought," Jacob smiled, following after him.  
  
"Indeed," Martouf nodded. They walked to the bottom of the hill, and down the path to the village. They turned in for the night, for tomorrow they had a long journey ahead of them. They had been successful in stopping the attack on an allied planet of the Tok'ra, by Thoth, but now faced a seven day journey back to the Stargate, as their ship had been destroyed. They had no way of communicating with the other Tok'ra or anyone else.  
  
Luckily, the village near Thoth's lair had been nice enough to give them any supplies they needed as thanks for ridding them of their Goa'uld Captor. Plus, beds for the night.  
  
"I wonder what Sammie's doing now," Jake thought.

-

Air Force Academy Hospital. Colorado. Earth.

-

"Time of death...10:57pm." Janet Fraiser announced, backing out of the room and leaving a colleague to take care of everything. Colonel O'Neill stood up and ran over to Janet as she appeared. She was crying and he instantly knew why.  
  
She was gone.

* * *

.......The End????????? .................Okay so I already said theres ten parts written. So it isnt the end. But short break of a week now. :-) And I know that was short, sooooo sorry. But I wrote these so long ago. 


	8. Missing

Jack sat next to Sam's lifeless body, holding her hand and telling her all the things he wished he'd said. He was crying and he wasn't embarrassed about anyone seeing. Not today.  
  
He kissed her once, on the lips, and whispered, "I love you Samantha." He then walked out to find his friends. It was Teal'C's turn to say goodbye now.  
  
Teal'C walked in, preparing himself to say goodbye to his friend. He looked around the room, not seeing the body anywhere. O'Neill had just been in. What had happened? He ran out in to the corridor, shouting for O'Neill and Janet. "Doctor! O'Neill!"  
  
"What is it Teal'C?" O'Neill wondered, worried.  
  
"Her body is not there." Teal'C stated.  
  
"What? I was just there!" O'Neill said, rushing in. Teal'C was right. There was no one there. "Doctor search this place NOW. Teal'C, find me General Hammond."

Janet and her team searched the base several times over and there was no sign of Sam's body. "Sorry sir. She's not here."  
  
"She's dead for crying out loud, she can't have just got up to go to the bathroom before she went to heaven!" O'Neill yelled. General Hammond walked up with Teal'C behind.  
  
"I have been thinking, O'Neill. Perhaps the Asgard took Major Carter." Teal'C suggested.  
  
"Let's get back and try to contact them." Hammond decided. His team nodded, and hurried out to their cars.

* * *

Once back at the SGC, they attempted to contact one of the Asgard.  
  
"This is Colonel Jack O'Neill of Earth. Please respond," Jack said over the microphone.  
  
"This is Rila." An Asgard voice replied.  
  
"Thank god...Major Carter died, and then she disappeared. Right out of the morgue. Did the Asgard take her...try to revive her?" O'Neill asked, hoping the answer was yes.  
  
"No." Rila replied. "I am sorry for your loss, and I am also sorry to tell you we were not aware of your situation. Someone else must have taken the body."

* * *

Very short part. I said it would be a week, but, well, after the reviews, I gave in. Part 9 will be up next week. Review harder! 


	9. Theories

"Well if the Asgard didn't take her..." O'Neill began, with a sigh. He was interrupted by Lieutenant Simmons.  
  
"That was Davis at the Pentagon on the phone," Simmons explained. "He says NASA have just spotted a Goa'uld vessel uncloak as it left our solar system. It is gone now, it was travelling at top speed."  
  
"A Goa'uld ship...it must have taken Sam. But how could he know that she was dead?" Daniel wondered.  
  
"So they have a Tok'ra spy or someone who overheard their message to Jacob. They know she's dying, head to Earth, grab her body, take her, revive her and torture her for her memories," Jack thought, shaking his head.  
  
"Or maybe not just for that," Daniel began. Jack glared at him.  
  
"Daniel, shut up." He couldn't hear this. Not now.  
  
"Jack..."  
  
"Shut up. She won't be a host...a queen for some damn snake. They will not touch a hair on her head. I'll make sure of it." Jack shouted.  
  
"We don't even know where they've gone, Jack." Daniel reminded him, in a soft tone.

"We have visual, sir." Simmons reported. "Perhaps Mr. Teal'C or General Carter could determine who's ship it was?"  
  
"Good idea. Pull it up." O'Neill nodded, patting the Lieutenant's shoulder. Teal'C leaned in closer and smiled.  
  
"This ship holds the special traits made only on Apophis's vessels," Teal'C explained, hearing a few cheers emerge from the lips of the staff.  
  
"But where is his base?" Jack groaned.  
  
"Well we could ask Jacob. The Tok'ra keep up to date," Daniel grinned, running off to find Jacob and Hammond.  
  
"I'll rescue you Sam." Jack whispered. Samantha Carter opened her eyes, panicking as she saw her location. She was in a sarcophagus. It opened a few seconds later and a face looked down at her, smiling evilly. 

It was Apophis.


	10. Rescue Me

Samantha Carter opened her eyes, panicking as she saw her location. She was in a sarcophagus. It opened a few seconds later and a face looked down at her, smiling evilly.

It was Apophis.  
  
One of his Jaffa lifted her out as she struggled. He pushed her down on to her knees, in front of Apophis' throne.

She looked down at herself, and saw that she was just as thin as she'd been before she overdosed. Obviously the sarcophagus hadn't helped her there.

"Samantha Carter, our operative amongst the Tok'ra told us that you were dead. What an opportunity to make you my queen," He smirked. "My ship was nearby."

She shot him an angry look and he just laughed.

He stood up and walked over to her, lifting her chin up so she was looking directly at him. He planted a fiery kiss on her lips and grinned. "Jaffa, prepare her." He commanded. The slaves dragged her off to get her ready for implantation.  
  
She soon found herself lying naked on what was obviously Apophis's bed. She was held down as Apophis stood at the foot of the bed, a tank containing a symbiote beside him.

"Lovely," he laughed, eyes glowing.

He took his new queen out of the tank and lay it on Sam's flat stomach. It crawled its way up and she felt tears form in her eyes. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. She trembled, and whispered "Rescue me Jack. Rescue me."


	11. The Story So Far

**After the Days: The Story So Far**  
_Chapters 1 – 10  
By Jolinar at Carter aka JessMerrick_

Notes: I've posted these as one chunk as I thought it might be the best idea. The early chapters were really short and I think one day maybe I'll revisit them. To be honest I'm not sure I am completely happy with this series. As I said before, I wrote this when I was 11 or 12 so it could be a lot better. So I might one day do another version or write another story with a similar theme.

I've written part 11 today, and I'm pleased with how it turned out. Hope you all will be too – it's a lot longer and a lot better.

Those who've been following will probably skip this chapter, but this is really for the new readers if there are any.

* * *

"Welcome back SG-1. Jack, it's so good to see you! Report to the infirmary, followed by the bar. First round is on me!" Hammond greeted them merrily in the SGC Gate Room.  
  
"Yes sir. Thanks. Good to see you too," Jack said, shaking his hand.  
  
"Permission to be excused immediately sir?" Carter requested.  
  
"I think you deserve it. Report to Doctor Fraiser and you're free to do whatever, after we talk. I need a word with you," Hammond looked concerned. "Oh, and I want to thank you again Sam."  
  
"It was nothing sir. Obviously. But thanks," she said. She didn't look at O'Neill during this sentence, but felt like glaring at him. Or perhaps shooting him.  
  
"Okay, catch you up later Carter, D, T, coming?" Jack asked. The three men walked out leaving Sam and Hammond in the gate room.  
  
"Sir?" Carter asked.  
  
"Major, are you all right?" Hammond asked, in a gentle voice.  
  
"Yes sir. I'm fine," She snapped.  
  
"Well I sure as hell don't think so," His voice was angrier now, he was really worried about her. She looked ill.  
  
"Look sir, I'm okay. Don't need to worry about me. Shouldn't it be O'Neill you're talking to? You haven't seen him in 100 days. Lots of hockey scores to tell him aren't there?" She exclaimed. She then turned and headed for the infirmary, leaving the General scratching his head.

He didn't usually get attitude from Carter.

* * *

"Well, you guys seem fine - all of you. Carter too," O'Neill commented, as he rummaged through one of the drawers in Daniel's cabinet. The three men were searching the lab for an important memo Daniel had misplaced.  
  
"Mmm," Danny muttered, going slightly red.  
  
"Well, I'm home. I guess. Everything's back to normal," Jack said with a sigh. Daniel and Teal'C exchanged annoyed glances.  
  
"You are mistaken O'Neill. Not everything is back to normal," Teal'C told him.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You can't just come back after 100 days and pretend that everything's fine. That everything's back to normal, because it isn't! And I don't think it'll ever be the same again!" Daniel yelled, losing his temper. It didn't happen that often – only when there was something **really** bugging him.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"For the past few months, Major Carter has been working day and night, non-stop. I walked past her lab every night at past midnight and heard her crying because she believed that it was her fault you were stranded off world! We all saw her..." Teal'C began. Daniel finished his sentence for him.  
  
"Janet, Teal'C, Simmons and I is us. We saw her piling on the make-up and we saw the clothes getting smaller and smaller. I believe she's currently two sizes less than she was when you first got stuck on Edora," The younger man explained. "She worked 24/7 with practically no rest, and even when she took a break she felt guilty. You really hurt her, Jack. Not just emotionally, but physically too, because she's been on such a whack routine!"

"It isn't my fault I got stuck on Edora."

"No, it isn't. But you were so ungrateful when we showed up," The archaeologist was fuming now, and Jack was still confused.

"You never once said thank you, never once noticed how damn pale she looks, how damn thin! Then she finds you with Laira when she secretly..." Daniel covered his mouth, deciding whether or not to tell him. "When she secretly loves you! How would all that make you feel? Think about that Jack. Think."

Daniel and Teal'C walked out together, leaving him alone in the lab.

He walked down to infirmary, thinking about what his friends had said. 'Nah. They're sssooo exaggerating! Oh well. I'll check on her anyway. They're right about not saying thanks.'  
  
He was walking by the first side room when he saw that the door was slightly open. He could hear two voices. Carter's and Janet's. He peeked through the gap to see what all the shouting was about.

"JANET! Just get all this over with okay? I am fine!" Sam yelled, waving her arms around.  
  
"SAM! I AM ORDERING YOU! GET ON THE DAMN SCALES WILL YOU?" The Doctor hissed. He'd never seen her that angry before. It was kind of scary. He saw Sam climb up on to the scales, reluctantly.  
  
"Thank you. Oh god. Sam, how many times did I warn you about this? Every single time I brought you something to eat or drink! That's how often! Three or four times every day! And you still went on! Does he really mean that much to you?" Janet asked, writing something down on a chart.  
  
"You know he does!" Sam replied, sitting down on the bed. "Besides, it was my job to get him back."  
  
"Enough to loose almost three stone?" Jack gasped, and Sam started crying, silently. Janet sat down next to Sam and put her arms around her. "I'll help you Sam. You just need to stop what you're doing to yourself before you crash. I can get help for you, but you need to make yourself do it."  
  
"How did I get like this Janet? I'm just like Nicole aren't I?" She sniffed.  
  
"No. You aren't going to die. Now you've been neglecting yourself for about three months. You just have to start taking care of yourself now. It'll take a lot of time, but you'll get back to normal. You can stop this Sam. You have to take control. If you do, I know you'll be fine!" Janet assured her.  
  
"Thanks. I will do something about this," She replied quietly. "I just...At first I didn't have time, you know? Then, I just honestly forgot. But after a couple of weeks, I'd get home, pass the fridge. And I'd go to get something, but I couldn't."  
  
"You're damned right you will do something about it!" Jack replied, standing in the doorway. "This is all because of me! It's all my fault! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry Sam!"  
  
Sam stood up, and dropped to the floor, landing in an unconscious heap.

* * *

Samantha Carter lay in the Cheyenne Mountain Infirmary, surrounded by bleeping machines and equipment. The only other people in the room were Janet, Hammond, Jack, Teal'C and Daniel. It was deserted.  
  
There was silence. Complete and total quiet. Daniel was pacing around, Janet was sitting on the bed next to Sam's, Hammond next to her, and Teal'C was standing up in the corner. Jack was sitting next to her bedside holding her hand.  
  
"What did you mean about her sister, Janet? Nicole was it? What was that about?" Jack asked. He looked as scruffy as the day he had walked back in to the SGC for the first time in a year.

He hadn't shaven in days, and had been wearing the same clothes for three days in a row. He had not left the infirmary knowing that his second in command who had risked and done so much for him was lying in a hospital bed.  
  
"Hmm?" Sam groaned, opening her eyes slowly.  
  
"Hey there Sam. How you feeling?" The Colonel asked, giving her a warm smile.  
  
"W...what happened?" She said, in barely a whisper.  
  
"You passed out on us Sam. Don't you remember?" Janet stepped forward.  
  
"Y...yeah I think I do," She croaked. "Oh boy! I feel !"  
  
"I expect you will for quite a while Sam. That's why I'm ordering you to take it easy. I'm not even sure when I'll be able to let you out," Janet told her, relieved that her friend was awake.  
  
"It is good to see you awake MajorCarter. My presence is required elsewhere. Please excuse me. I shall return later though," Teal'C walked over to her bedside, kissed her on the cheek, and left.  
  
"Yeah. Good to see you awake. I gotta go and do stuff," Daniel left with Teal'C.  
  
"Let us go and watch MASH. Perhaps Hawkeye's antics will cheer us up, DanielJackson," Teal'C suggested.  
  
"Major Carter, I'm allowing you as much time as you may need off. You just need to concentrate on getting well. I'll come and see you later. Excuse me, but I have a phone call to make. Oh, your father is currently busy, but we will keep trying to contact him." Hammond gave his best friend's daughter a hug, and walked over to the door.  
  
"Thanks. General?" Sam called.  
  
"Yes Sam?" Hammond asked, turning around.  
  
"Don't call him. Please. He can't go through this again. Anyway, I'll probably be better and back exploring planets before you can reach him," she begged.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"I am. Very sure," She nodded.  
  
"Then we will stop trying," Hammond nodded and walked out too.  
  
"Well Sam, I need to run a few tests and stuff," Janet announced, picking up a clipboard.  
  
"I'll see you later then," Jack patted her hand and stood up.  
  
"Colonel," Sam said, with a face that said 'don't leave me. Please.'  
  
"Are you gonna do anything an old Colonel can't stay for, Doc?" He asked.  
  
"Not today, no. You're welcome to stay, if that's what you both want," Janet agreed.  
  
"Please stay sir," Sam held his hand tightly.  
  
"Okay, I'll stay." Jack gave his 2ic a huge Jack O'Neill smile, the one that he only gave her.  
  
"What a welcome home hey?" Sam was crying now.  
  
"Hey, it's okay! Sam, you'll get better. I know you will. But you getting better is all that matters now. Please don't cry," Jack pleaded.

* * *

"There. We're all done for today I think. I have to go and see Cassandra. Her sitter is ill and had to go home. That's who was calling. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Oh, Doctor Warner is down the hall if you need him. He'll be coming in to check on you every twenty minutes or so, okay?" Janet checked, packing up her stuff.  
  
"Yeah. Bye. Tell Cassy I said hi," O'Neill requested.  
  
"Me too," Sam added.  
  
"Will do," Janet smiled and left the infirmary.  
  
"Did I hear you talking about Nicole earlier?" Sam asked Jack, when Janet had left.  
  
"Yeah. I just wondered..." Jack shook his head, and stopped himself. "Never mind."  
  
"What happened to her? That's what you were wondering," Sam took a deep breath and tried to sit up. Jack stood her pillows up behind her, and she leaned back. "It was my birthday, on the 17th May. I was nineteen that day, and I was sitting in the movies with my boyfriend David. When the movie had finished we were talking about stuff, and my family happened to come up. Of course I told him the normal stuff that he was used to hearing, like my dad was off fighting, my mom was well...of course, dead, still..." Sam recalled.  
  
"Your mom died when you were a kid?"  
  
"Yeah. She died when I was fifteen," Sam replied. "I told him Marc was working, and that I was by myself that day, so I was glad he had remembered. Then Nicole came up. Nicole was my sister. She was twenty-one back then. She...she was a gymnast. She was desperate to follow in our footsteps, especially as my mom was an Olympic Gold Medallist. I hadn't been so lucky to get there but I'll explain in a second. I was competing at a good level, but I had gone through two years of hell with my gymnastics, so had decided not to go for the Olympics two years after I had just about gotten better. I was anorexic. Some days because of my Coach, I would train from four in the morning, go to school at nine, go back to the gym at three forty five and stay until eleven at night. In that time, I would either starve myself or stuff myself and through it all up. I had gone to the Divisionals, just before the Olympic Trials, and aced the beam, floor and vault putting me in second place, with enough points to qualify if the bars went right. The bars were my weakness though. I had only started using them shortly before because of some problems that I'd had. Anyway, last event. My vision was all blurry, but I did it anyway. I let go, flipped and missed the bar. I fell with a crash nearly killing myself. I did get better, after a while. But I couldn't stop Nicole. She was older than me and knew what she wanted. I warned her. I did. But she made exactly the same mistakes I did and fell in the same way. But she wasn't as lucky as me. She died in my arms. I'd ran down when she'd fell."  
  
"God!"  
  
"I know."

"I'm so sorry, Sam..." he began. "But anorexia? I can't imagine you being ill like that. You're so smart, and so thin, so...perfect."

"It doesn't have much to do with how smart you are," she sniffed. "It was a long time ago, but I have to watch myself. But when I was working non-stop, I stopped eating. Just because I really didn't have the time. And then, I just...I went to...and I couldn't. It was like, I'd look at myself, and weigh myself...I'd be glad that I'd lost more weight. Then I started to feel, after I'd lost a certain amount, that I could do better. Should do better. That it wasn't enough. And I started thinking horrible things...and in the mirror..." she paused. "I tried to make myself eat again. I honestly did. Because I knew I was in trouble. But I just went and threw it up. I guess I got caught up again...I'm so sorry."

* * *

"Safe until the darkness falls,  
To loneliness a demon calls,  
Creeping in, arousing my fears,  
To breathe the language that no one else hears..."

Sam sang along to her walk man as she sat typing at her laptop in her temporary base quarters one month later.

"Can I cope alone tonight,  
The shrinking violet I've become inside?  
To you I may seem insecure,  
But did you know me, what I was before?" 

She stopped typing and took another sip of her coffee.

"I remember dancing as a child  
A careless confidence danced with me,  
Whatever happened to the sun?  
Only seemed to notice when it had gone."

She did not notice O'Neill coming in ready to meet her for her next appointment with Janet.

"Lead me back to where it seems  
I danced alone in sunlit dreams  
Unafraid to play with fire  
With a view through child's eyes,  
Naive and wild..."

She sung away and Jack smiled. She was getting better. It was good to see her happy.

"Can I...remember..."

She sung quietly, pausing.

"If I...ever...meet again with her  
Could I tell her I could live with her?  
If I...ever...meet again with her  
I will...tell her I could live with her  
I will cope alone tonight  
I'll fight these demons that I've tried to describe  
I won't be so insecure  
I will show you what I was before!  
I will dance then as a child  
A careless confidence will dance with me  
I'll be warmed there by the sun,  
You would notice when I had gone."

(Mostly Autumn. 'Shrinking Violet.' Written by Heather Findlay, Mostly Autumn.)

She turned her tape off and turned around to find the Colonel grinning. "Colonel! Hi!" She was a bit embarrassed.  
  
"Hey Carter. Nice singing. Nice song. Who was it?" O'Neill asked, throwing her jacket over to her.  
  
"Mostly Autumn, an English rock band. My brother's wife is English and likes them," Sam explained.  
  
"Oh. You ready?" He asked.  
  
"I think so," She sighed and put her jacket on.  
  
"You're doing really well Sam. You mustn't give up now. You're beating this thing," Jack put his arm around her.  
  
"Thanks. Let's go." Carter nodded. She threw the cling film from her sandwich in the bin.  
  
"You have a little mayo right there!" O'Neill pointed to her chin.  
  
"Thanks. I have to save this file. I'll be up in a second," she told him, moving back over to the desk.  
  
"Okay. I'll be waiting in Jan's office," O'Neill walked off, smiling. He could leave her. He trusted her. She was smart and was trying very hard. He knew this. She was making good progress.  
  
Sam saved the document and noticed her bathroom light was on. She went in to turn it off but instead found herself locking the door...

* * *

"Hey! Here she is!" O'Neill said, seeing Sam enter Jan's office.  
  
"Sam, you're doing fine. I have to go because SG-10's due back and they have injured. You're doing very well and I'm very pleased. Keep it up. You can go home now. Colonel O'Neill will drive you. Okay? I'm really pleased. You're beating this thing Sam. You've gained a little..."

* * *

Sam ran in to the kitchen once Jack had gone and removed the contents of the fridge. ''You're beating it.' She remembered. 'You're doing very well.' The words echoed in her head.  
  
She shook her head and started stuffing herself. She was so hungry inside but she knew she would feel to guilty afterwards. She knew what she would do after.

* * *

Sam Carter turned on the lamp and stared over at her alarm clock. 7:00am. Usually she would be up and at it, but not today. Today she didn't have an appointment with her Doctor until one o'clock. She could sleep in.  
  
Monday, Wednesday and Friday she got up at seven and the Colonel picked her up early at half past. Then they would go to breakfast. But she had another few hours of glorious sleep. Because yesterday was...Tuesday...NO!  
  
The alarm clock beeped and she turned it off by hitting it. She groaned, pulled back the covers and got out of bed. She then got ready to go with Jack and sat in the living room and waited.  
  
"Sam, it's your favourite person!" A voice announced from behind the door.  
  
"David Duchovny? To see me? Wow!" Sam teased him, opening the door. "Hey sir. I'm ready."  
  
"Hey Sam, you look...hey Sam!" Jack was smiling on the outside but inside he was worried for his friend. She looked like Netu. "Let's roll then."  
  
Once they were in the car, he started the engine and they headed for the local diner on the way to work. "Sir, you know, I appreciate you looking out for me and everything, but you don't have to be my baby sitter. I'm fine now. Getting there anyway," she told him.  
  
"Yes, that may be true but I have to make sure. It's my fault you weren't fine!" He reminded her.

After she'd finished her pancakes, Sam excused herself and headed to the bathroom. O'Neill sat back in his seat, and strectched out. He waited a couple of minutes, and then decided to go himself.

He walked down the corridor to the bathroom and passed the women's. He could hear the sound of someone being sick, and immediately, he knew who it was. He shook his head, and sighed.

He had honestly thought she was getting better. He thought she had stopped all of this. He had hoped she'd stopped.

* * *

"I'll see you later," O'Neill said, walking off.  
  
"Okay. Now, let's see...Lunch with Teal'C as usual at 12, Janet and Warner at 1...nothing else happening. Any messages?" Sam touched a button on her answering machine.  
  
"You have one message. Message one:" The answer machine said. Suddenly, George Hammond's voice could be heard.  
  
"Major, please meet me in my office when you get in." He said.  
  
"Better go see what he wants," she thought aloud, and walked out. She arrived at her boss's office a few minutes later. She was about to knock, but left it and put her ear to the door.  
  
"I'm just not sure she is well enough to get back to work! She keeps asking me if she can but she really is tired. Physically tired. She needs more time. I would definately not recommend her being back on active for at least two weeks! I know it's been a long time but she is not ready yet. She's too thin which, I think, means too weak right now. She's put some weight back on...but she's nowhere near her starting weight. This is very serious. She isn't eating. She's anorexic and apparently Colonel O'Neill found her throwing up, which is bulimia. This is a major problem! " She heard Janet shout. "I am sorry but she isn't ready! She needs therapy, and we need to monitor her weight and her eating. I don't care who says she needs to be back on active! As I said, she will most certainly crack under the slightest bit of pressure right now, and I don't need to tell you how close she was to dying!" Janet was really angry. "Furthermore, if you put her out there while she is still ill you are endangering her team."  
  
Sam opened the door and walked in, tears rolling down her face. "Is that all you think of me? Do you really see me like that? Like a child? Like a weakling? Like someone who'll crack and go back to her old ways? Who'll kill herself? Do you really see me like that?" She yelled, and paused, and then finally ran out, leaving Daniel, Teal'C, Warner, Janet, Hammond and Jack opened mouthed.  
  
"SAM!" Jack shouted, running out, giving Janet a quick glare. He lost her for a few minutes, and stopped. "If I were her where would I go right now? After something like that?" Jack thought, and then ran off down the corridor.  
  
He eventually found Sam topside. He stood next to her. "I...I don't want this to be me, if this is who I've become! I can't do it again! It took me two years! I can't go on that long! And the worst thing is this time I can't just wave a piece of Goa'uld technology in the air and cure myself like I can with a virus! And...if that's what you all think...then..." She stopped talking.  
  
"I know this is hard Sam, but...that isn't what she meant!"  
  
"Yes it was what she meant. And how could you know? How? Tell me HOW COULD YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS LIKE? HOW COULD YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH FOR THE SECOND TIME AFTER SWEARING THIS WOULD NEVER HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN AFTER HAVING MY BIG SISTER DIE IN MY ARMS BECAUSE OF THIS? HOW?????" She screamed, dropping to the floor. Jack sat next to her and put his arms tightly around her.  
  
"I don't. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Janet never wanted to hurt you. She is pleased with your progress, but the big boss guys want to put you back in the field and look at you, are you really ready Sam?" Jack asked her. Sam just sat in the same position, crying and hugging Jack. "LOOK AT YOU!"

"You caught me, this morning?" She sniffed. "You followed me?"

"No. I actually just went to the mens room. On the way, I passed the ladies room, and I heard. I'm sorry, Sam, but I had to tell Janet," he explained.

"I know," she eventually nodded. "Please help me?"

"I'm here," he smiled. "I'm here."

* * *

"Home sweet home!" Jack O'Neill exclaimed, falling on to the sofa next to his friend. "I put your bags up in the guest room," He told her. He put his arm around her, seeing the tears rolling down her face. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing." She lied.  
  
"Sam," He didn't believe her.  
  
"This is just all too hard sir!" She cried.  
  
"What's all too hard?" He asked, frowning. It had been a week and five days since her breakdown at the top of the mountain. She'd stayed in the infirmary under supervision, and she'd been doing well enough for Janet to release her into Jack's care.  
  
"This! Trying to get better! The truth is what they said is right! I can't do it!" Sam told him.  
  
"Major Carter I will not allow you to think like that. Understood?" Jack knew that was a good way to get her to do something. "UNDERSTOOD?"  
  
"Yes sir," She nodded, and then sniffed.  
  
"Good. Here. Wipe your eyes," He said, handing her a box of tissues. "That's better. Do you want something to drink?" He offered.  
  
"Please."  
  
"What do you want?" He asked, heading for the kitchen. He made a pit stop and removed matches and a box from a cabinet drawer.  
  
"Orange juice?" She replied with a shrug. "What's that box?"  
  
"Red?" He took the carton out of the fridge and showed it to her.  
  
"Okay." She nodded.

"This box is full of incense cones. Daniel told me you had some in your room at home, so I got some to put in the guest room," he shrugged. "I just thought it might help you feel more at home. I also cleared out the closet so you can put your clothes away, and I put a few pictures of you and Cassandra in there. It's a bit dull without."

"That's sweet."

"What, you think I'm a total ass?" He frowned, and then smiled, letting her know he had been joking. "Yeah, well, just want you to be comfy."

* * *

"I'm starved!" Jack announced finally, standing up. It was seven o'clock, and he didn't usually eat this late, but he'd been engrossed in the movie they were watching. "What shall we have for dinner?" He asked.  
  
"I'm not hungry sir. Have whatever you want," She told him, taking a sip of her second glass of orange juice.  
  
"Sam! Prove to us that you're getting better!" He said, reminding her that they were monitoring her food. At least, she sighed, she didn't have a food diary like the one she'd had when she was a teenager. That was Jack's job this time around, not hers.  
  
"Okay. What ever you want though," She agreed.  
  
"Good." He tried to think of Sam's favourite, but decided it was too complicated for him to cook. "Pizza and chips I think."

"Here's your room. I hope it's okay. It was kind of last minute," Jack led her in to the large guest bedroom, which was painted a lovely shade of blue.  
  
"It's lovely. Thanks sir," she nodded, sniffing and grinning at the smell of the incence.  
  
"Jack."  
  
"Jack. Thanks for doing this. I think I would have gone crazy if I had to stay in that base any longer!" Sam laughed. She sat down on the end of the bed.  
  
"S'okay. I enjoy your company. What time shall I wake you up?" He asked, moving toward the door.  
  
"Before you go," She replied, trying not to put him out at all.  
  
"Before I go where? Work? Daniel's off playing with his rocks somewhere, Teal'C's with his son and you're off. What am I gonna do at work? I have some time off too," Jack explained, with a grin.  
  
"Cool. Err...nine?" Sam checked.  
  
"Sure. Okay, I'm right across the hall in there, and you know where the bathroom is don't you?" Sam nodded. "Cool. Night then. Oh, and if you want a bath before bed, there might be some bath salts and stuff in the cabinet. I ended up with some of Sara's stuff. Never got around to giving it back."

She nodded. "Thanks."  
  
"Night."

* * *

"Good morning!" Jack grinned at the sight of his Major asleep in his bed! Well...his guest room bed. But his bed sounded cooler!  
  
"Hmmrmmm!" She groaned, turning over, away from him.  
  
"Time to get up sleeping beauty!" He placed the tray with her breakfast on on the bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed.  
  
"Daddy, just give me five more minutes!" She pleaded, pulling the duvet up so that her face was covered.  
  
"I haven't been called that in a long time!" Jack laughed, shaking her.  
  
Sam threw the covers back and smiled sleepily. "Hmmrrmm. Morning," She yawned. "Sorry. Very tired."  
  
"I can tell. I would have let you sleep in if your breakfast wasn't going cold!" He looked over at the table.  
  
"Oh! You didn't need to...thanks!" She smiled.  
  
"I'll leave you to wake up and get dressed & everything." Jack said, getting up and stretching, before walking out to the lounge. Sam could hear James Earl Jones announcing that Jack was watching CNN.

"Jack O'Neill." Jack picked up the phone after it rang for the fourth time.  
  
"Hello son," General George Hammond said, cheerfully.  
  
"General."  
  
"I just thought I'd ring and check that Major Carter is all right? Did she have a good night?" Hammond felt a little guilty. After all he had called her to his office, and she had heard his message when she got in and come straight away to find him and her friends talking about how much they doubt her. At least that was what it must have sounded like.  
  
"That's sweet sir. I think she's okay. She had a bit of a cry when she got here. I've just woken her up with breakfast in bed," He replied. He heard a door open and then another close, and then the taps running. "She's running a bath now."  
  
"That was nice of you Jack. What do you have planned for today? Doctor Fraiser is sick, and has asked that I look after Cassandra. It's my day off, so I am. She'll be here in half an hour so I thought maybe we'd come over?" Hammond suggested.  
  
"Sure. I'm sure she'd love that. I would. I don't get to see Cassy often enough. Double for Sam. Do that sir. See you later," Jack agreed, nodding even though Hammond wouldn't be able to see it.  
  
"We'll be there about ten," Hammond said, and then hung up.  
  
Jack put the phone down and then headed to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Sam?"  
  
"It's okay. I'm still dressed!" She called, and hee opened the door to find her sitting on the side of the bath, waiting for it to finish running. "Hey. That was a nice breakfast. You're quite a good cook."  
  
"Thanks," He grinned, perching next to her. He hated himself when he realised the reason he'd come to check on her – he had wanted to make sure her breakfast stayed down. He knew he needed to do these things, but he still hated himself for it. "Oh, I love the pyjamas," he commented, with a grin. She looked down at her blue and white sheep pjs and laughed embarrasedly. "So what are you going to wear?" He asked. He looked over to the door and saw an outfit hanging on a coat hanger, on the back of the door.

"I was thinking of wearing that...but...I think I'll put something different on," she sighed. "Maybe I'll wear the shirt with a cardigan and a different skirt. That one is too..."

"If you're worried about how you'll look...just don't, okay? I'm sure it'll look great," he smiled, patting her hand. He stood up, and walked over to the door. "I like this shirt. Lose the sweater!"  
  
"That an order?" She asked with a smile.  
  
"Sure is," he nodded.  
  
"So what's your plan for the day then Jack?" She asked.  
  
"Dunno. I need to go shopping at some point today," he replied, with a small shrug.  
  
"Oh. Why don't you go now? I'll come with you." Sam suggested. "I can be ready in about fifteen minutes."  
  
"Nah. I'm expecting a delivery at about ten." He lied.  
  
"Oh. Okay." He didn't realise that him saying no had made her wonder if he was too embarrased by her to be seen in public together.

* * *

"Sam, can you get that?" Jack called from the kitchen. She frowned at him, and then went to open the door. He strolled through the hall and joined her. "Hi General! Cass! Come on in!"  
  
"Hi." Sam hugged Cassie.  
  
"How are you feeling Sam?" Cassie asked.

"Okay thank you Cassandra," She replied.  
  
"Good. You look nice in that top. You look very different to how you did last time I saw you. Your hair's longer! I like it. And you're still a lot thinner!" She noticed. Jack and Hammond glared at the girl. It wasn't really her fault but they had talked about this.  
  
"I'm...err...I'm a little cold. I'm gonna go put the heating on Jack," Sam said as Cassie and Hammond came in to the house.  
  
"'Kay." Jack nodded. Sam disappeared off down the hall, and Jack took the guests in to the living room. Cassandra sat down on the couch. "Cassie!"  
  
"What? Why are we whispering?" She whispered.  
  
"Cassandra. Do you remember what I told you in the car?" Hammond asked, sitting down beside her.  
  
"Yep. Don't talk about Sam's illness. Actually Uncle George, it was more like a ten minute speech. Yes I remember," She nodded.  
  
"What do you call 'And you're a lot thinner' then? A compliment?" Jack snapped. He regretted it immediately. "It's not exactly what she wants to hear right now okay? What you were talking about is exactly the same as what we've asked you not to talk about! Understand?"  
  
"Aha." Cassie sunk in to the couch and looked at the carpet. Jack went to find Sam.

Jack found her in her room lying on the bed. She was crying. He sat down next to her and gave her a hug. "She didn't mean it Sam. It just...slipped out!"  
  
"Sure! Right! Yeah! I know she's just a kid and she didn't mean to upset me but she meant it Jack! Like Janet meant everything she said!" Sam yelled, pushing him away.  
  
"Look, I'll go get you some tissues okay?" Jack popped out of the room and went to the kitchen via the lounge. "Well done Cassie." He could see she was feeling bad already so he apologised. "Sorry. She's really upset though."  
  
"I'd like to talk to her Jack. I've known her since she was little. Since this all happened back then," Hammond explained.  
  
"Sure." Jack handed Hammond a box of tissues and sat down next to Cassie. He put his arm around her, and sighed. "I'm sorry Cass."

"Sam?" Hammond called, as he entered her room. He sat down on the bed.  
  
"Sir," She sniffed.  
  
"Cassandra's almost crying too Sam. She's really sorry," Hammond told her calmly.  
  
"It's too hard! I can't do this! One hundred days of ignoring this and letting it get too far is enough, but the time after it where I have to stop is even worse! I feel like hell and everyone seems to like reminding me! I feel like an idiot for what's happened! I can't go through those two years of hell again sir!" She cried. George just put his arms around her.  
  
"I remember when this happened before, Sam. You got through it didn't you? It took time but you did. You will this time. And I think you will quicker. Know why? You're stronger."  
  
"Sir, I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE! Everyone pretends that I'm normal...that I'm better! But inside they think I can't do it! AND THEY ARE RIGHT! If I don't think I have the ability to recover, how the hell is anyone else? I can't trust myself. AND PEOPLE CAN'T TRUST ME IF I DON'T TRUST MYSELF! IT'S NOT FAIR FOR ME TO ASK THEM TO! THEY'D ALL BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME! If...If I were DEAD!" 

Hammond stormed out of Sam's room and in to the lounge. "Okay Cassandra, honey, go and play in the garden or something okay? Good girl. Okay. Jack call Dr Fraiser, Doctor Warner, Doctor MacKenzie, any of them! Get Teal'C and Daniel here too! Get them here NOW!" He commanded.

"Yes sir!" Jack didn't question his order, he just picked up the phone and dialled. "Janet. Get your team, and Teal'C and Daniel right here right now!" He ordered. "Sam. Okay. As soon as possible!" He hung up. "Sir?"  
  
"She's talking about killing herself Jack!"  
  
"And you left her alone? With an open window and medication in the night stand?" Jack yelled, grabbing his zat and heading for Sam's room. If he needed to shoot her with the zat to stop her, he would. Hammond followed him, shaking his head. He couldn't believe he'd been so stupid.  
  
"I had to tell you to call Janet! And there's medication in there?"  
  
"YES SIR!" Jack tried to open the door but couldn't, so he kicked it down and marched in, finding Sam, lying on the floor, crying and yelling. She was coughing too, she couldn't breathe. Jack looked her over, and found three pill bottles behind her, all with the lids off, and all empty. "Sir, are they here yet?"  
  
"No!" Hammond was panicking. Jack talked to her, and tried to calm her down and keep her awake as they waited for Janet to arrive.  
  
"Okay, stay calm! Don't panic!" At that moment, Janet and her team ran in and she took charge. It was a good job Jack lived only fifteen minutes from the base.  
  
"Oh my god! Okay let's get a..." Janet started ordering her people about, while Hammond, Teal'C and Daniel just stood staring. Jack ran out, feeling sick at the sight of his best friend and the woman he had thought was so strong, lying on the floor, dying. But he would have to deal with it later. Right now there was a little girl outside who knew that she was the reason that her hero and her best friend was trying to kill herself.  
  
He shook his head, wiped his eyes and went outside, putting on a brave face for the girl who was definitely blaming herself right now.

But where was she?

He went down to the shed.

Nope. Not in there.

He looked everywhere.

Then he spotted Cassy's tree house.

He'd built it for her when she was 12, as she spent so much time there that year. He climbed up, but no one was there.

She was gone.

From up there, he could now see the side gate. It was open. She had gone.  
  
He hurried down and ran out the gate, stopping as he saw the medical team loading a pale and almost dead Sam on to the ambulance. "Janet, take care of her! Daniel, come with me!" Jack ordered. He ran off and Daniel shrugged and ran after him.  
  
"Jack! What's going on? I thought you'd be the first to go with Sam!" Daniel asked.  
  
"Cassy's run away! We have to find her! Daniel, she thinks that this is all her fault! She thinks she's killed her best friend! That 13-year-old girl thinks she's a murderer for crying out loud! We gotta find her!" Jack cried.  
  
"Calm down. Think. Where would a thirteen year old go at a time like this? Somewhere quiet. Alone," Daniel panted.

* * *

"I don't think it's good sir," A nurse answered Hammond, trying to get them out of the Colorado Air Force Academy Hospital Emergency Room, and in to the relatives room. "I'll tell you if anything happens. But I don't think she'll make it. The combination she took would have killed most people by now. She should be dead. I doubt she'll make it in to the next hour." She told them honestly.  
  
"But it's five to!" Hammond exclaimed.  
  
It didn't look good.

* * *

"Cassandra! CASSY!" Jack was panicking now. They had been looking for Cassandra for an hour now with no luck. They reached the park, and ran over to the bridge where Cassandra used to love to hide when playing water guns with Teal'C.

Daniel looked under it and found her sitting, curled up. There were tears falling down her face and she was shivering.

"JACK!" Jack rushed over and wrapped his arms around her. "Cassandra!" He was so relieved. "Come on sweetheart we've got to get to the hospital!"  
  
"No." She cried. 

"No? Listen Cassandra, this is not your fault! And I'm sure you'd rather get the chance to say goodbye to her than not! Wouldn't you?" He asked. She nodded and he led her out from underneath the bridge. He put his jacket around her and they went back to his house and climbed in to the truck.  
  
Soon they arrived at the hospital and found Teal'C and Hammond pacing in the Waiting Room. "How is she?" Was the first thing that came out of Jack's mouth.  
  
"Cassandra honey, why don't you go get something to eat?" Hammond suggested, removing his wallet from his jacket and giving her some cash. Cassy nodded and went off to the cafeteria. Her eyes were red, and he could tell she had been crying. "Where was she?"  
  
"The park, sir. Let me ask you again, how is she?" O'Neill repeated his question and Hammond looked over to the other side of the room. Janet Fraiser walked in and closed the door, sitting down.

"Where's Cassandra? You told me she was with them sir!" Janet asked, looking around.  
  
"Don't worry Doctor she's in the canteen." Hammond replied, sitting down opposite her.  
  
"Well, I suggest we get Jacob or one of the Tok'ra to heal her. I'm sure she'd rather it was someone other than General Carter but I think he needs to know, and he is also our best option," Janet informed them, putting her clipboard on the floor.  
  
"Agreed. I'll get him here as soon as I can." Hammond nodded, heading outside to make a call on his cell phone.  
  
"What if Jacob or any of the Tok'ra can't come?" Janet didn't answer that in words, but Jack could tell from her face what the response was. She stood up and went back to work.

* * *

Jacob Carter smiled and took a bite of a local food called Kyan, kind of like a pie. The night sky was a beautiful shade of purple, his wife's favourite colour. He closed his eyes and he could just see her, dressed in that lavender dress on Sam's fourth birthday, spent at Disney World. His daughter reminded him a lot of Ellie, and regretted that this was why he had not been able to face her after her Mother's death. "Oh Ellie Michelle, I wish you could see this place. I wish you could see Sam, she is so like you. She's doing so well in her job." He said to himself. Martouf looked over and smiled.  
  
"I am sure that she can. I believe that Jolinar is in the sky watching over me always. The Tok'ra believe very strongly in ascension, where one is ascended in to a higher being. I believe it is similar to your concept of angels. We also believe that if we live our lives well, and always be good, that we will ascend to and join them, watching over the ones we care for," Martouf told his friend, taking a sip of his water. He stood up and walked down  
the hill.  
  
"That's a nice thought," Jacob smiled, following after him.  
  
"Indeed," Martouf nodded. They walked to the bottom of the hill, and down the path to the village. They turned in for the night, for tomorrow they had a long journey ahead of them. They had been successful in stopping the attack on an allied planet of the Tok'ra, by Thoth, but now faced a seven day journey back to the Stargate, as their ship had been destroyed. They had no way of communicating with the other Tok'ra or anyone else.  
  
Luckily, the village near Thoth's lair had been nice enough to give them any supplies they needed as thanks for ridding them of their Goa'uld Captor. Plus, beds for the night.  
  
"I wonder what Sammie's doing now," Jake thought.

**_Air Force Academy Hospital. Colorado. Earth._**

"Time of death...10:57pm." Janet Fraiser announced, backing out of the room and leaving a colleague to take care of everything. Colonel O'Neill stood up and ran over to Janet as she appeared. She was crying and he instantly knew why.  
  
She was gone.

* * *

Jack sat next to Sam's lifeless body, holding her hand and telling her all the things he wished he'd said. He was crying and he wasn't embarrassed about anyone seeing. Not today.  
  
He kissed her once, on the lips, and whispered, "I love you Samantha." He then walked out to find his friends. It was Teal'C's turn to say goodbye now.  
  
Teal'C walked in, preparing himself to say goodbye to his friend. He looked around the room, not seeing the body anywhere. O'Neill had just been in. What had happened? He ran out in to the corridor, shouting for O'Neill and Janet. "Doctor! O'Neill!"  
  
"What is it Teal'C?" O'Neill wondered, worried.  
  
"Her body is not there." Teal'C stated.  
  
"What? I was just there!" O'Neill said, rushing in. Teal'C was right. There was no one there. "Doctor search this place NOW. Teal'C, find me General Hammond."

Janet and her team searched the base several times over and there was no sign of Sam's body. "Sorry sir. She's not here."  
  
"She's dead for crying out loud, she can't have just got up to go to the bathroom before she went to heaven!" O'Neill yelled. General Hammond walked up with Teal'C behind.  
  
"I have been thinking, O'Neill. Perhaps the Asgard took Major Carter." Teal'C suggested.  
  
"Let's get back and try to contact them." Hammond decided. His team nodded, and hurried out to their cars. Once back at the SGC, they attempted to contact one of the Asgard.  
  
"This is Colonel Jack O'Neill of Earth. Please respond," Jack said over the microphone.  
  
"This is Rila." An Asgard voice replied.  
  
"Thank god...Major Carter died, and then she disappeared. Right out of the morgue. Did the Asgard take her...try to revive her?" O'Neill asked, hoping the answer was yes.  
  
"No." Rila replied. "I am sorry for your loss, and I am also sorry to tell you we were not aware of your situation. Someone else must have taken the body." 

"Well if the Asgard didn't take her..." O'Neill began, with a sigh. He was interrupted by Lieutenant Simmons.  
  
"That was Davis at the Pentagon on the phone," Simmons explained. "He says NASA have just spotted a Goa'uld vessel uncloak as it left our solar system. It is gone now, it was travelling at top speed."  
  
"A Goa'uld ship...it must have taken Sam. But how could he know that she was dead?" Daniel wondered.  
  
"So they have a Tok'ra spy or someone who overheard their message to Jacob. They know she's dying, head to Earth, grab her body, take her, revive her and torture her for her memories," Jack thought, shaking his head.  
  
"Or maybe not just for that," Daniel began. Jack glared at him.  
  
"Daniel, shut up." He couldn't hear this. Not now.  
  
"Jack..."  
  
"Shut up. She won't be a host...a queen for some damn snake. They will not touch a hair on her head. I'll make sure of it." Jack shouted.  
  
"We don't even know where they've gone, Jack." Daniel reminded him, in a soft tone.

"We have visual, sir." Simmons reported. "Perhaps Mr. Teal'C or General Carter could determine who's ship it was?"  
  
"Good idea. Pull it up." O'Neill nodded, patting the Lieutenant's shoulder. Teal'C leaned in closer and smiled.  
  
"This ship holds the special traits made only on Apophis's vessels," Teal'C explained, hearing a few cheers emerge from the lips of the staff.  
  
"But where is his base?" Jack groaned.  
  
"Well we could ask Jacob. The Tok'ra keep up to date," Daniel grinned, running off to find Jacob and Hammond.  
  
"I'll rescue you Sam." Jack whispered.

* * *

Samantha Carter opened her eyes, panicking as she saw her location. She was in a sarcophagus. It opened a few seconds later and a face looked down at her, smiling evilly. 

It was Apophis.

One of his Jaffa lifted her out as she struggled. He pushed her down on to her knees, in front of Apophis' throne.

She looked down at herself, and saw that she was just as thin as she'd been before she overdosed. Obviously the sarcophagus hadn't helped her there.

"Samantha Carter, our operative amongst the Tok'ra told us that you were dead. What an opportunity to make you my queen," He smirked. "My ship was nearby."

She shot him an angry look and he just laughed.

He stood up and walked over to her, lifting her chin up so she was looking directly at him. He planted a fiery kiss on her lips and grinned. "Jaffa, prepare her." He commanded. The slaves dragged her off to get her ready for implantation.  
  
She soon found herself lying naked on what was obviously Apophis's bed. She was held down as Apophis stood at the foot of the bed, a tank containing a symbiote beside him.

"Lovely," he laughed, eyes glowing.

He took his new queen out of the tank and lay it on Sam's flat stomach. It crawled its way up and she felt tears form in her eyes. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. She trembled, and whispered "Rescue me Jack. Rescue me."

-

And that's The Story So Far. All parts there written between 2000 and 2003. Feedback please but no flames...new part soon, promise!!!


	12. The Rescue NEW

**After the Days**  
_Part 11: The Rescue  
By Jolinar Carter aka JessMerrick_

Notes: This is a brand new part. The others had been posted at at least one location before. I am to make these parts a lot longer. I wish they hadn't been so short but I may eventually make them in to one long fic and extend, could be a good idea. What do you think? Anyway, here it is, After the Days 11. Enjoy! Oh and sorry the last chapters and this one depart from the original idea, but we'll get back to that angst fest soon enough! Promise!

-

"My Lord Apophis, My Lord!" A Jaffa called desperately, barging in to the chambers. "I apologise for disturbing you but we have reason to suspect Cronos is planning to attack."

Apophis's eyes glowed gold, and he turned to the Jaffa. The young soldier thought he was about to die, from the look that Apophis gave him. Then, the 'God' paused, and nodded. "Very well. I will return, Samantha," he told her, stroking her hair. "And you will become my queen. I wish to see your implantation myself."

Another Jaffa, who had been in the room already, gently picked up the Goa'uld symbiote crawling it's way up her body and placed it back in to the tank. Sam couldn't help but shudder, and she turned her eyes away. Her eyes met with the young Jaffa intruder, and he shot her an incredibly small smile.

Apophis left the room, as did his personal guards, leaving the young Jaffa and Sam alone. "Samantha Carter of the Tau'ri," he whispered, moving forward to that he was standing beside her. "I am Li'ok. I am loyal to Master Bra'tac."

"B...B...Bra'tac," She muttered, shivering. She was still fuzzy from having the ribbon device used on her after struggling against the guards, and she was freezing cold. The man nodded sympathetically and retrieved her clothing from the corner of the room. He lay them down on the bed and turned away.

"I will show you the way out however I cannot take you further than the hills," He said, almost apologetically. "Can you walk to the...Stargate?"

"I think so," She nodded, as she slowly sat up and began to dress. She had to tighten the belt several notches again to keep her trousers from falling down. She shook her head, 'how did I get in to such a state?'

"Very well, we must depart," Li'ok told her, turning back around. "Apophis will soon return. I took the opportunity when a rumour was began. I decided to use this rumour to lure him away while I freed you."

"Thank you," Sam smiled weakly. "Which way?"

-

Jack O'Neill grabbed his jacket and backpack and jogged out of the locker room, putting both items on as he went. He was soon in the Gate Room, ready to embark on the rescue mission.

They had contacted the Tok'ra eventually, after several attempts. They hadn't managed to contact Jacob, but Garshaw had been some help. He'd always thought she was probably one of the best "good" snakes, the best apart from Jacob anyway. There weren't many he liked, but she was one of them. Probably. Maybe not like...she was one he could stand. Yes.

Samantha had been missing for days, but at least she was alive. He had been beside her lifeless body, thinking he would never get her back. Now, there was a chance he would.

He just hoped he wouldn't get there to lose her all over again.

He found Daniel and Teal'c were already geared up and waiting for him, and General Hammond was also on the scene. "Hey guys," He said, joining them at the end of the ramp. "General, sir."

"SG-1, bring her back alive," Hammond told them, and Jack nodded.

"We will sir, we will," The colonel said, patting Daniel on the back. "Let's go bring her home, SG-1."

"Good Luck," Hammond added, as the seventh chevron locked, and the wormhole opened.

"Move out," Jack commanded, and then the three men disappeared through the beautiful blue puddle of light.

Hammond sighed, and then walked out, hoping that they'd find her...alive.

-

"I must depart," Li'ok told Sam, as she sat down behind a rock, resting for a moment. She was out of breath, and her heart was pounding. She ached like crazy, and she felt so weak she had thought several times that she might collapse. "I wish you well."

"I don't have a GDO..." She realised. "I can't get back."

"GDO?"

"We have a shield covering the Stargate. You need to send a code to open it, so you don't go splat," she sighed.

"Can you not travel to another world that is allied with your own, and send a transmission?" Li'ok suggested, and Sam snorted. "Did I say something that was amusing?"

"I'm sorry, I just found it really weird that I didn't think of that," She replied, standing up. "I'm not at full strength...I've, uh, been ill. And I'm still weak. Not thinking as well as usual."

"I see," he bowed his head. "I believe Master Bra'tac said it is customary among your people to say Good Luck?"

"Thanks," She smiled, touching his elbow. "Thank you for saving me from becoming a queen."

"It was my pleasure. Goodbye," And he was off. Sam practically fell back down to the ground, and stayed there for a while, trying to summon up any strength left in her. She ran a hand through her hair, and looked at her palm. "Oh my god," she gasped, looking at several strands of her short blonde hair.

She was too tired to move, she couldn't. Not yet. She had to rest, just for a little while.

-

Daniel Jackson wiped the sweat from his brow, and then took a sip of water from his canteen. "It's hot in this place."

"Yeah it is," Jack agreed. "I bet Apophis has air conditioning."

"Jack, what if..."

"DANIEL!" Jack snapped. "Just don't, okay?"

The archaeologist nodded, and looked down at the ground. They walked for several miles until they decided to take a rest break. They found the perfect spot, nicely covered, and sat down, leaning on rocks. They broke out some MREs and their drinks, and sat in silence for several minutes.

Teal'c raised his eyebrow and stood up. He silently stepped forward, and disappeared from the other men's sight. They quickly jumped up and followed him, and they walked for around five minutes before coming to a halt. "Major Carter," Teal'c said gently, moving toward her. "Major Carter, it is I."

Jack was at her side in an instant, "Sam?" He called, shaking her. "Sam?" When there was no reply, he picked her up and put her over his shoulder. "LET'S GO! We need to get her to Janet, now!"

-

Dramatic music...lol. Okay so not that much longer, but a little. Hope you liked.


	13. The Meeting NEW

_**After the Days**  
Part 12: The Meeting  
By Jolinar Carter aka JessMerrick_

There were voices talking, several, all at once. They were worried, panicked, even. Emotional. The words they spoke made no sense, and were barely audible. Men, several, a woman, and another voice...a girl?

She opened her eyes to see a blurry crowd of people gathered around her bed. They all gasped and turned to her, talking to her, asking her things.

She couldn't comprehend.

It took a minute, and the bluriness ceased. Her hearing improved, or perhaps the voices raised, and it was no longer hard to see them, or to hear them. The beep of the monitor was the loudest sound, driving her crazy already.

She understood now, although she was still confused.

The last thing she remembered was being in the forest, alone, weak, and then...blank.

Janet and Jack moved up so that they were either side of her, and Janet greeted her with a huge smile. "Hey Sam," she said gently. "Welcome back."

"What happened?" Sam whispered, looking first at Janet, and then to her Commanding Officer.

"We went to rescue you, and Teal'c found you unconscious in the woods," Jack replied, practically beaming.

"If you feel dizzy, and a little out of it, that's because of some of the medicine we gave you," Janet explained, resting her hand over Sam's. "It's experimental but we thought it might increase your energy."

"I was with Apophis," Sam frowned.

"Yes," Colonel O'Neill confirmed. He looked over at Cassie, and then to Daniel. "Danny, could you please take Cassandra to get something to drink?" Daniel nodded silently, and he took Cassie out. When the girl was gone, he turned back to Sam. "We think Apophis monitored transmissions we made or something. Somehow – maybe he was in the hood – he, uh..."

"You died, Sam," Janet finished for the colonel, perching on the side of the bed. "You remember, at the Colonel's house? And you took some pills?"

"I killed myself," Sam sniffed. "I did. I'm sorry sir..." she cried. Her eyes were wide and scared, and she looked up at the colonel. "I just wanted it to be over."

"Shh." Jack grabbed a chair and sat down beside her bed. "Your body disappeared, from the hospital. And Apophis had taken it...you...and he revived you. We eventually managed to find out where you were, but you'd already escaped. Do you remember much?"

"I...I remember..." She paused. "I woke up...sarcophagus. Except I was still so ill...he um, he was going to make me his queen. A Jaffa interrupted, just in time, it was crawling up me...I knew it would have only been seconds...and Apophis left. The Jaffa got me out and took me as far as he could, to where you found me."

"He didn't torture you?" Jack asked her softly. Sam shook her head. "That's a relief. Listen, you should get some rest. Janet is pumping you full of nutrients and stuff, and you must be exhausted."

"I am quite tired," She yawned, without covering her mouth. Her arm felt too heavy. All of her felt too heavy. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

"Sure," he said, and she smiled slightly, and closed her eyes.

-

While Sam was asleep, Hammond decided that he needed to call a meeting. Reluctantly, Jack left the infirmary for a while, and made his way to the Briefing Room.

A woman Jack didn't recognise, plus Janet, Hammond, Daniel, Doctor Warner and Teal'c were all sat around the table, waiting for him. "Have a seat, son," Hammond instructed.

Jack slid in to a seat beside Janet. "Sorry if I kept you waiting, I just stayed with her until I was sure she was asleep. She said she wanted me there."

"No problem," Hammond nodded. "Did she say anything important?"

"Yes sir. She told me very briefly what happened. She said she woke up in a sarcophagus, and Apophis very nearly made her in to a host. Luckily, a Jaffa loyal to good old Master Bra'tac rescued her and took her into the woods. That's where we found her later on," Jack informed him, resting his arms on the table. "Do you want to go through the rescue or can it be done by report?"

"We'll just have the report this time," The General said. "I really called this meeting to talk about what happens now."

"I explained about the drip excetera earlier," Janet began. "That should help. But we really need to deal with the problems that lead to Sam's abduction."

"How come the sarcophagus didn't cure all of this?" Jack frowned. "I mean, I would have thought it would have healed her body?"

"It's a mental illness, sir," Janet replied. "Perhaps the sarcophagus only heals problems with the body. It doesn't really matter why now. We need to focus on getting her back to full health."

"Right," he sighed. "So what are you going to do this time? Please tell me you're not going to ship her off somewhere..."

"Relax, Colonel, I want Sam here with me. I'm going to keep her in for several weeks, perhaps a couple of months, until I'm positive she's ready this time. I think she'll hate it, but it's for her own good," the doctor replied sadly. "This is my friend, Doctor Skyla Morgan. She has treated dozens of similar cases, usually in teenagers, but occasionally in people of Sam's age or older. She's been given clearance as she can help us with many different situations."

"Doctor Morgan," Jack nodded, giving her a small smile. "So what happens now?"

"Well, sir," Skyla began, "as Janet said, we're going to keep her in, and monitor her closely. She'll have her own nurse all of the time, who is to attend to Major Carter, and only Major Carter. She'll watch her like a hawk. We're going to start her on medication to decrease her appetite."

"Decrease? Don't you mean increase?" Daniel asked, raising a hand.

"No. Colonel O'Neill reported that Sam was suffering from bulimia." Janet replied.

"I didn't know about this," Daniel frowned. "I thought she was anorexic?"

"...You see, Daniel, what's going on with Sam...at first she stopped eating because she didn't have time. Then she went to eat, but she couldn't face it. After a while, when we tried to help her, she began eating again, but found she had to throw it up. So we would think she was eating, and she was, but she was not gaining any weight from it because she was getting rid of it. Eat what you want and not gain weight. I know it seems odd, but..." Janet paused. "She was eating every meal. Just not keeping it down."

"Right...so you decrease her appetite and she can't throw up? But then she isn't having anything at all?" Daniel asked. The alarm sounded, and everyone jumped out of their seats.

"Dismissed, people," Hammond shouted as he jogged down the stairs.

-

Jack sat back down beside Carter's bed, and picked up a magazine from the bedside cabinet. He flicked through the pages, looking up from time to time. After about an hour, he looked up to see she was awake. "Hey!" He smiled. "How you feeling?"

"Peachy," she replied, stealing his line. "I get the feeling I'm not getting out of here for a long time."

"Well..." Jack scratched his head, not sure what he should say. "Janet and Doctor Morgan want to keep you in, and make sure you get better this time. I'm sure it's what you want, too, isn't it?"

"I guess so," she smiled weakly. "I hate this place."

"Yeah, well..."

"Colonel?" She whispered.

"Yeah?" He said, leaning forward.

"I was never good at asking for help," she sighed. "But I was wondering, could you help me again? I don't deserve your help after what I put you through last time, I know, but...I think maybe I could do it, if you're there again."

"Of course," he grinned. "We'll get you back to the old, healthy, perfect sized Sam Carter in no time."


	14. The Fifth Day NEW

She groaned and pulled the covers over her head, hoping that her visitor would just give up and go away. O'Neill grabbed hold of the covers and tried to pull them back, but failed. "Carter, this is stupid. And I'm a Colonel. So you'd better get out of there right now."

A blonde head slowly appeared from the covers and sighed. She carefully propped her pillows up and then leant back. "Sorry sir," she yawned. "So tired. Just wanted to sleep...thought you were my evil nurse."

"Do I look like a 40 year old woman named Caroline?" He asked, faking anger.

"Sandra, maybe, sir. But Caroline...nah," She replied cheekily, and her commander's face lit up. "What you smiling at?"

"You. You just teased me," He beamed.

"First time I made a joke since developing an ED," Sam said with a sigh. "If you see Daniel can you ask him to water my plants please?" She added, trying to change the subject.

"I've been doing it," Jack shrugged. "On and off. I'll keep doing it until you get home, it's really no problem. I pass your house anyway, if I...okay, so I don't, but it's cool. I am happy to do it."

"Thanks sir," She smiled. The smile quickly faded and she let out another sigh. She was obviously bored already. That was probably a good sign though, that she was starting to feel stronger. "I'm surprised I don't have armed guards at the end of my bed. It feels like I'm in jail."

"Five days down. Lots more to go. But you're getting through it," He reminded her, patting her shoulder. "I'll bring you some more DVDs later. And Daniel is on book duty. Teal'c is free today, so he'll be down later to come and watch a movie with you. I'm guessing Star Wars."

"Nah, we watched all three yesterday," She laughed.

"I'm guessing Star Wars," the colonel repeated himself. "He really loves it, he's obsessed. I keep waiting for him to call me Han Solo or you or Janet Princess Leia."

"Oh," she grinned. "Cassandra came to see me last night and bought me some magazines. Sadly, they are all for teenagers. Bless her."

"They might keep you busy for a while. You can keep up with the latest crazes and the fashion is very important," Jack said, sctratching his neck. "I think something bit me. Ouch."

"I appreciate you stopping by," Sam told him. "But I'm not too bad today. Definitely not so much of an emotional trainwreck. You can go and do some work."

"I don't wanna," he moaned. "It's Saturday tomorrow."

"And your point is...to depress me?" She asked, frowning. When she saw his worried look, she smiled slightly and added, "I'll be okay. I have a nice nurse working this weekend. Not like that Caroline," she whispered. "Lily is lovely."

"My point is I'm coming to visit," he replied, and stretched. "I'll be in by about ten. I will bring movies and popco...more movies."

"Enjoy your weekend, sir," Sam smiled, thinking for the millionth time in recent weeks how lucky she was to have a guy like him in her life. "I'll be fine. Really, you should relax. Watch The Simpsons."

"I can relax and watch The Simpsons here," he insisted. "I'm coming in tomorrow whether you like it or not."

"Thank you," she nodded.

"You're welcome. Now, how are they treating you in here? Their medical plan for you made no sense to SG-1...really...but...I'm sure it's a good one."

"Apart from like I'm a total freak, which I am, fine. I closed the curtain yesterday, everyone was staring at me," she sighed. "But the nurses are all polite and cheerful, which is actually a little annoying. Janet is Janet, you know? My best friend is treating me for a mental illness...it's a little odd."

"You're not a freak, Sam," Jack said softly. "Nobody thinks that except you. And I don't think people are looking at you like you're ill, or weird, or you've lost it. I think they're looking at you with the same respect they've always had for you. They're hoping that you're getting better, because you're a good person, and you deserve to. And they want to see you well, that's all. And anyone who looks at you funny has to answer to me and the other 300 or more guys who think you're incredible."

"Thank you sir. But they were staring at me. And I can't say I blame them," She sighed.

"Listen, I don't know much about your condition – I've never known anyone else to go through this. But I think that a part of it is being self-conscious. You're not happy with yourself, and you think everyone is thinking how fat you are, and how disgusting. In reality, they aren't. But you think they are. It's normal. You've just got to remind yourself these people are your friends, and they think you're perfect," he said, bordering on a Daniel-ish babble.

"You're a good CO," Sam told him, looking happier. "A great CO." She paused, and added, "And an even better friend. I've never ever had anyone in my life that treated me the way you do. When I went through this the first time, I lost all my friends. I've never had someone like you who stays by me no matter what."

"It's not something you should have to face alone," he sighed. "The first time...was your brother any help?"

"Yes, he was," she smiled. "He was going through hell himself but he tried his best. I didn't make it easy. But he wasn't around much for most of it because he had a life. I wanted him to live it."

"Well, I'm here now," he said, and squeezed her hand. "And I don't plan on going anywhere. You just make sure you do what these good folks tell you, and get yourself better. You owe that to me, to Marc, and to Cassy, the guys, Janet and especially your Dad. You owe it to yourself. You're too young, Carter. You're way too young for us to lose you. You have a lot of people that care about you."

"Yes sir," She said, and saluted. "It's bath time, sir. I always take a bath, at 9am, every morning. It's part of my routine."

"Need any help?" He asked cheekily. She shook her head, grinning. "Okay. Do you want me to wheel you down to the locker room or something? I don't mind. We could even swing by Daniel's on the way."

"I'm in the infirmary bathroom - private infirmary bathroom. Except it only has a tub," she sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. She saw Jack's shocked reaction as he saw the contents of her palm. "Did they not, uh, warn you about this? It's okay. Scary, not nice, but okay."

"No..." he shook his head. "Stay here, and I'll go run the bath for you."

"It's okay, sir, the nurse will do that," she smiled, but he went anyway. He returned a few minutes later, and held out his arm. She got up out of bed and looped her arm in his. He tried to conceal his worry as he saw the baginess of her nightgown. It was hanging off of her, and he knew it had been exactly the right, snug fit a year ago when they'd been called out to an emergency at Cassandra and Sam's sleepover. Yesterday she had looked slightly better, but perhaps it was just a trick from the pyjamas she was wearing. He shook himself, and walked her slowly to the bathroom just outside. "Bath is done. I'll let the nurse know you're in here...does she...uh, come in, or? I know you're meant to be supervised...I can wait out here if you want, if that will satisfy them instead."

"Thank you sir, you're very sweet. But they let me have, oh, ten minutes to myself. There are no pills, no knives or sharp objects, just a tub, soap and towels. Plus there is a chord incase I feel weird or fall or something. Which I don't. You can go," she assured him, hand on the door knob.

"K," he said. "Uh, you'll need pyjamas. I'll be right back." He re appeared a few seconds later, empty handed. "I asked Caroline to find some from your bag. I didn't think I should go through your stuff..."

"Right. Thanks. I'll see you later sir?" She assumed. He'd spent all the time he could get away with sat with her these past few days. She could tell he was still getting over her death and resurrection. And the fact that she'd killed herself because of the way he'd treated her. She didn't really blame him, but he blamed himself. She really wished he didn't.

"I'll be back before I leave. Hammond has scheduled a meeting, as I'm actually here," He moaned. "But the guys will be in later, I'm sure. And you know my extension and my beeper if you need me. Don't hesitate."

"Yes sir." Caroline appeared and handed her the neatly folded blue pyjamas, and looked at the colonel, who took the hint, smiled, and left.

"Samantha, I'll be back in fifteen minutes. Are you okay?" The 'evil ice bitch' checked. She wasn't actually that bad, just not that nice either. "Doctor Frasier wants to see you at half nine, with that lady Skye..."

"I'll be fine, thank you," Sam replied before entering the bathroom and closing the door. She left it unlocked, feeling perfectly safe at the SGC with all these people she thought of as family, just incase she happened to slip.

She looked forward to this time, it was really the only Sam time she got these days. She tested the water and smiled, it was just right.

* * *

Jack O'Neill was walking past Daniel's lab when he heard raised voices. He poked his head around the door, to see what all the noise was about. Daniel was talking with Teal'c, although he wasn't sure what about yet.

He ventured further in to the room, coughing to announce his presence. "Whats up, guys?"

"O'Neill, DanielJackson stated that he did not wish to visit SamanthaCarter today," Teal'c reported, looking angry. The Jaffa never showed much emotion – so he must be pissed if he looked a little ticked off.

"What?" O'Neill snapped, turning to Daniel.

"I just hate seeing her like that," The archaeologist sighed.

"Get over it, Daniel. Sam is going through hell, and she needs her friends. She killed herself because she felt there was no other way. We have a second chance here. She needs us, and you can't let her down just because it pains you to see her so sick," Jack yelled. "I just saw her run a hand through her hair, to have some fall out. It's not a good thing to see happen to your friend, but it's happening. I hate what's going on with her, I hate seeing her like this, but I'll deal with it because she needs me. She needs you too." And with that, he left, Teal'c right behind him.

* * *

"Samantha?" Caroline called. "Samantha, are you okay in there?"

"Yes, I'll be out in a minute," Sam replied, although she had no intention of moving for quite some time.

"You have a visitor," The nurse replied. "Should I tell him to leave? It's almost time for your meeting."

"Who is it?" Sam sighed, slowly pulling herself up out of the water. She got out of the tub and wrapped herself in the big, fluffy pink towel Janet had brought her from home.

"It's Doctor Jackson," Caroline replied, sounding very impatient. Sam paused for a moment, thinking. He hadn't spent much time with her recently, and she was still a little hurt. It seemed he couldn't look at her without wanting to be sick. Or at least that was how it seemed to her.

"Tell him I can't see him," Sam decided.

"Anything else?" She asked.

"No."

When Sam emerged from the bathroom in her clean pyjamas, wet hair dripping, she found that Janet and Skyla were waiting for her. She padded over to the bed, and sat down, cross-legged. "Morning."

"Good morning, Sam," Janet said cheerily.

"Morning," Skyla nodded. "How are you doing today?"

"I feel...peachy," Sam replied, stealing O'Neill's line. "I'm trying to save all the emotional babble for later."

"You're not getting too bored?" Janet wondered. She knew the colonel went crazy after a day. Sam had spent five days here already. "I can arrange for a laptop to be brought to you as long as you promise not to do work. Or not much anyway."

"That would be good," Sam replied. "Thanks. So..."

* * *

"I can't believe how many people are here on a Saturday!" Jack O'Neill exclaimed as he took off his jacket and chucked it on to the spare chair beside Sam's bed. He gave her a grin and then sat down in the other seat. "Geeks."

"Morning, sir."

The pair were about to start watching a movie when someone else entered the room – Daniel Jackson, dressed in jeans and a blue shirt. "Hey guys, mind if I join you? I haven't seen Armageddon yet." Sam was beaming as she told him yes. He grabbed a chair and sat on the other side of her, holding her hand. Jack flicked on the movie, but he was paying more attention to his second in command when he thought she wasn't looking.

As long as her team were there for her, he knew she'd be okay. She was a strong person, and she could get through this. It would just take time, a lot of strength, and their support.


	15. The First Steps NEW

Samantha Carter sat cross-legged on her bed, as she quite often did these days, frustrated. She had been upset all morning, and nobody had managed to pull her out of this mood. Finally, Janet had called Colonel O'Neill and asked him to come down to see her. She had been reluctant as he had only just returned from a two day mission.

He was there a mere two minutes later, knocking on the doctor's door. He opened it and poked his head around, "Hey, doc, what's up?" He asked, venturing further inside.

Janet looked up from her paperwork and smiled sadly, "I spent some time with Sam today, trying to get her out of this bad mood, but it didn't work. She's always happiest when you're around, so I thought maybe you could have a go?"

"Sure," Jack nodded. "Thanks for calling me."

"You're welcome. Listen, we've been trying to persuade her to eat something but we haven't managed it so far. I was wondering if you could have a go at that while you're here? She might do it, for you," Janet added, earning a nod from the colonel. "Great. I'll have Cindy bring a tray over in a little while."

"How has she been doing? I miss being here," He asked, scratching his neck. "I wish I hadn't had to go off world."

"Yeah, she did worsen while you were away," Janet admitted, putting her pen down. "See what you can do. I'm sure she'll be very pleased to see you."

"I have a debriefing in an hour and a half but I will do my best," He smiled. "Thanks." He left the office, closing the door behind him, and went off to Sam's cubicle. He found the curtain closed. "Carter, you decent?" He asked.

"Yes," came the dull reply. "Yes sir."

He opened the curtain and then closed it behind him, and sat down on the end of the bed, matching her pose. "Ouch. The knee isn't so good," he said. "Janet called, said you weren't very happy today."

"It's good to see you sir," Sam smiled slightly. "I missed you guys. Did the mission go well? How did my replacement work out?"

"She isn't your replacement, Carter, she's a temp," O'Neill corrected her immediately. "It went okay, but she isn't you. I can't wait to have you back. When she bores me to death it just isn't the same."

"Thanks," she smiled, a full smile.

"It's good to see you too," He said, meaning it. He had really missed her, and he knew none of them had stopped worrying about her during the mission. "You look better each day, you know that?"

Carter laughed. "Yeah, right."

"You do," He replied, honestly. "It really is true. You look...I don't want to upset you here, but you look heavier."

"I'm not sure how I should take that," she shrugged, picking at the blanket on the bed. "You know what I find so terribly annoying?"

"No, what?" He asked gently, putting a hand on her chin and lifting her face up. "What's wrong Sam?"

"They weigh me all the time but they don't tell me what the scales say. It's torture. It's backwards and it's driving me insane," She sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. Luckily, she didn't lose any this time. Maybe that was a good sign?

"I'm sure you're doing well," Jack told her, not really sure what he should say. "Is that what was making you so miserable?"

"That and a billion other things that none of you understand," she replied, and her tone scared him slightly. Bored, tired, defeated. "I know exactly what you're going to say now."

"Really? What's that?" He asked, with both a frown and a smile.

"Please can you eat something, for me?" She guessed. "People have been trying all morning."

"You said you wanted to be better," He shrugged, playing it cool. "But if you don't want to try, we won't force you. It is your life, after all."

"Nice try," she said. "Aren't you going to order me, now?"

"Nope," he said casually, and stretched. "I can't really order you to do that. I wouldn't want to. I want you to want to get better. I want you to eat because you want to, not because you have to because it's an order. I can't order you. I won't order you. I'll ask you, as a friend who wants to see you well. But order, no."

"Wow," she said, obviously surprised. There was silence for a minute, and she studied him, obviously thinking. She put a hand on her stomach, and said, "Where's the tray?"

Jack grinned, and stood up. "I'll go find out, Sam." He returned shortly with a tray and set it down on the bed. "Here you go, dinner is served."

"Thanks. You're going to sit here and watch me like a hawk, aren't you?" She asked, receiving a raised eyebrow as an answer. "Thought so. Better you than a nurse, I suppose."

"Damn straight," he agreed. "Tuck in, Major. I have a briefing soon."

"If I'm keeping you," she began, but he shook his head and nodded toward her plate. "Fine. It'll get me out of here sooner, right?"

"Right," he said. "It must suck, being cooped up like this for so long."

"Yep, and I don't think I'm even half way yet," she replied, picking up her fork. She moved the food around on the plate and then looked at him. "You think I'm stupid for this, don't you?"

"No, god, no. Why would you think that?"

"I remember at one stage you were terrified of Cass going through this," Sam recalled. "But it wasn't her, it was me. She was in her early teens, I was in my early thirties. You didn't expect it to be me. Neither did I. I thought I was doing okay...you never recover, there is always a chance you'll slip, but it had been so long."

"You said yourself it's not how smart you are, and it effects people of all ages," He told her, taking a hold of her hand. "You are doing well. Keep it up. _That_ is an order."

"Yes sir," she sighed. "You said you would help me through this, and you are. I appreciate it, even if I might be a total bitch to you some days."

"Come on, Major, stop delaying it," He warned her gently. "Listen, do this, and I will bring you in some of that fancy bubble bath you like so much."

"Really?" She smiled. "I think they're worried I'll drink it or something."

"Ugh," Jack frowned. "Maybe I shouldn't have made that promise. Not that I don't trust you...it's just, if Janet found out, she'd kill me."

"Don't worry, sir. I won't hold you to it. I'll do this as a thank you for being there," She told him, cutting up her food in to small pieces. She took one, and slowly ate it, and then another, and finally another. It was taking a long time, but she was eating it. "And I'll do it for me."

"If you can get through this, Carter, you can get through anything," he winked. "It shows you're a very strong person." She laughed. "I mean it."

Around fifteen minutes later, the plate was half full, or half empty...depending which way you thought about it. Either way, half was gone, and that was something. She dropped the utensils and pushed the plate away, clasping a hand to her stomach. "I'm done. I'm sorry. That's it!"

"Well done," he said, standing up. He patted her on the shoulder, and put the plate on the bedside cabinet. "I'm proud of you."

"Don't be...I want to throw it up," She sighed. "Do whatever you have to do, just help me stay right here? Please?"

"Don't worry, Sam, I'm right here. I'll stay as long as you need me. I might need to phone Hammond, tell him why I'm not there, but I'll stay," he assured her, kicking his shoes off. The curtains were closed so he decided to climb up on to the bed, and he put his arms around her. He was slightly worried that she was going to break if he squeezed too hard, so he just rested his hands on her back and let her squeeze him to death.

"I'm such a freak," she cried. "Don't tell me I'm not because you think it too! Everyone does. Because it's the truth."

"Sam..." Jack sighed. "You may think you're a freak, but I certainly don't. Stop talking like that you need to be positive. You're going to be healthy and back to work in no time at all."

"I feel really awful," she said. "Maybe I should try and sleep?"

"Sure, if you want to. If you're asleep you're not thinking. If you're not thinking you're not upset," Jack shrugged. "But it doesn't mean we'll leave you alone. As long as you know that, go ahead."

"I'll lie down but I'll stay awake," she decided, and turned around. She fluffed her pillows and then lay down on top of the covers. "You still feel guilty, don't you?" She asked, seeing the pain in his eyes.

"Yes," he confirmed, sadly. "And I should."

"I thought we got past this," Sam sighed. "Colonel, it isn't your fault. You went to rescue those kids, to get them to the Gate, and you got trapped. I worked to get you home, risking my health. You hear? I risked. Not you, you didn't order me to! I did it because I couldn't not! When we arrived on Edora again, I was really upset that you didn't want to come home, that you didn't thank me, yes. But it wasn't your fault. I was ill way before that happened."

"Even so," He paused. "I was the reason." He was going to say something else but they were interrupted by Daniel and Teal'c. "Hey guys."

"Hey," Daniel smiled. "Apparently I'm not required at this meeting, but you and Teal'c are, so you'd better get going. I'll stay with Sam."

"Okay, Carter, that okay with you?" Jack checked, reaching for his shoes. He put the left shoe on, and then the right, and stood up. Carter nodded, and he walked over to Teal'c, who was stood by the door. "I'll be back soon," he told her, before following the Jaffa out of the room.

"Daniel," Sam smiled. "Look."

Daniel wasn't sure what he was supposed to look at for a moment, but then he caught sight of the plate on the bedside table. "Oh, wow. That's great. Well done."

"Thanks," She said. "I don't feel that great for it, but...why don't you go and get the nurse to take it away? I feel weird looking at it..."

"Sure," he agreed, picking the plate up. He noticed the ridiculously small pieces but didn't say anything. "I have just had eyes installed in the back of my head, by the way. So don't try to pull anything on me, I am all seeing and all knowing."

"You're so funny," Sam said, rolling her eyes. "I'll be right here."

Daniel walked over to the other side of the room and handed the plate to the nurse. He returned several seconds later – Sam couldn't have gone anywhere in that time even if she'd wanted to. He sat down in the chair beside her bed and grinned. "The nurse says well done, and she'll tell the doctors. Now, what do you want to do?"

"Leave?" She tried, with a shrug. "Worth a try. Okay...uh...second best right now is probably sink your battleships."

"You can try," He laughed. "But I am the master of Battleship. Really, I'm great at it, always have been. My foster Dad Bill, and I, used to play it all the time."

"You never talk that much about your foster parents," Sam told him, with a big smile. "It's nice when you mention them."

"I had so many...I stayed with Bill from the age of 10 to 13. Then his wife got sick, and they couldn't handle having four kids. Two were biological, and the other two weren't. So me and Justine ended up moving. But he was the best one I ever had. We keep in touch still, although his wife is long dead," Daniel could remember those three years very well. Bill had been so good to him, and so had his wife, Mary.

"I'm sorry," Sam said, squeezing his hand. "It's nice that you still talk though."

"Where's the board?" Daniel asked, and opened the bedside cabinet doors. "Ah, here we go. Prepare to lose!"

"I don't think so, buddy boy," Sam laughed, and Daniel realised how much he'd missed that noise. "If I wasn't in the Air Force, I would be in the Navy."

By the time Daniel had won the game, the meeting had finished. Jack, Teal'c, Janet and Skyla appeared just as Daniel was packing the game away. "Hey guys – who won?" Jack asked.

"Daniel," Sam replied. "I very nearly did though."

"She is tough to beat, it's true," Daniel agreed. "Do you ladies want to talk to Sam alone, or are we okay to stay in here?"

"I think you guys are fine," Skyla said, after looking to Janet. "Sam, we're very pleased with the step you made today. We decided that if you'd like, you may leave the infirmary for an hour, supervised, and go somewhere else. On base."

"Really?" She beamed. "Great. I'd really love to just go back to my lab for a little while. Unless you guys want to get a drink and play poker or something?" She asked enthusiastically.

"We can do whatever you want," Jack told her, pleased to see her so happy. "I will personally sit with you in your lab for an hour if you want me to."

"Okay," she nodded. "Can I get dressed? I don't want to walk around the base in my pyjamas."

"Of course," Janet replied. "Actually, if you guys will wait in the corridor for a minute, I want a word with Sam privately? Then she is all yours."

When Sam emerged from the infirmary in a baggy gray tracksuit, she seemed even happier than she had been before. Whatever Janet had said to her, it had obviously been good. "Okay," she said, "let's go. You guys can come too if you want, but if not the colonel and I will be fine."

"No, we'll come and just hang," Daniel told her. "We can chat." Sam nodded, and they all headed off for her lab. They all pretended that they didn't notice the looks and the mumbles that errupted in the corridors as the group passed, hoping that they wouldn't upset her too much. Daniel took her hand in his as they walked, silently giving her his support. Jack turned and quickly glared at one soldier, who soon jogged off, suddenly in a hurry to find something.

Sam felt extremely self-conscious as she walked down the hallways. Daniel took her hand and it helped. She caught Jack glaring at an SF and she was so glad that her team were with her. She was beginning to wonder if it had been such a good idea to leave the safety of the infirmary when they arrived at her lab. She was so relieved as she entered it and sat down. She had known they would stare and talk about her – and she'd been called paranoid when she said that they would!!

She soon forgot about the people as she and her team spent the next hour talking. She ran a couple of computer diagnostics and such forth, quite content to just sit and listen to her guys talking and join in occasionally.

She was disappointed when the hour was up, but they promised that they would try and get permission to bring her out again within the next couple of days. Luckily, most people had gone home by the time they left the lab, so the hallways were almost empty.

"Here she is, Doc, in one piece," Jack announced as the group walked in to the infirmary. "I'm going to stick around for a bit if you don't mind?"

"Sure," Janet said, as she tended to Sergeant Siler. Jack could have sworn he was in that morning with a different injury. "I'm going now, but I just want to say again Sam, well done, you're doing well, I am so proud of you."

"Me too," Jack told her, patting her on the back. "Very proud."

Sam was still beaming, excited that she had been let out of the infirmary. She spent the next two hours talking the colonel to death, and he was really glad about it too. He could see the old Sam Carter emerging.


	16. The Visits NEW

Samantha Carter yawned and stood up, opened her curtain, and looked around the infirmary. It was only 0600 hours and the infirmary staff didn't wake patients until 0800 generally, but she was nearly always up early. Seeing that nobody was around, she got back in to bed and took out The Lord of the Rings. She'd read quite a chunk of it during her stay - she had a lot of free time.

When her eyes had given up and decided to go blurry, like they quite often did recently, she looked up to see a figure walking down the hall. She was quite a distance away but it was definitely Doctor Frasier - very small, with dark hair. The only other staff member that short was Jennifer Hailey, but she was blonde.

The figure disappeared in to one of the supply closets, and Sam decided to get up and follow her. She was bored stiff and she wanted to talk. She winced as she stood on her ankle, which was giving her trouble. Back during her first battle with this, she had injured it during a meet, and it still occasionally played up.

She slowly walked over to the closet and stood in the doorway, waiting for Janet to notice her. "Morning, Janet," she said finally, getting inpatient. Her best friend looked up and smiled at her.

"Good morning Sam," she beamed. "How are you today?"

"Bulimic. You?" Sam replied with a sigh.

"I'm OK," The brunette replied, ignoring her sarcasm. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Not really..." Sam replied, arms folded. "There's nobody about and my eyes just packed in, I can't read any more."

"Stereo?" Janet suggested. "I would sit and chat but I have a billion and one things to do before all my patients wake up. I'm sorry. You could play your walkman, play a game on the laptop, something like that?"

"Can I go and see if Teal'c is up?" Sam asked, an innocent and very sweet expression on her face.

"Yes, you may," Janet said, surprising both of them. "However I will be sending Cindy to accompany you."

"Fine," Sam growled. "That ruins my plans. I was going to go puke my guts out in the Ladies on Level 14. Spoil sport." She saw Janet's sad eyes, and added, "I was kidding. I'm trying to make this whole situation funny. Isn't that a good thing?"

"Not sure..." Janet shrugged. "Wait right there, and I will go and find Cindy for you." She walked off, and returned a few minutes later with the pretty young nurse with the pierced eyebrow. "Cindy, please escort Major Carter to Teal'c's room. If he is awake you may leave her in his care for a while. If he isn't, bring her straight back here."

"Yes ma'am," Cindy nodded, and looked at the patient's attire. "Major, do you want to get dressed or at least put a gown on? You can go like that I just don't think you want to be walking around in your pyjamas. Which are, by the way, very cute."

"Yeah, I'll fetch my gown," Sam agreed, and disappeared back in to the infirmary. She re-emerged fairly quickly and they headed off to find Teal'c.

"Here we are," Cindy announced rather needlessly as they arrived at Teal'c's door. Sam stepped forward and knocked gently, hoping that she wasn't interrupting his meditation. The door opened almost instantly, and Teal'c bowed his head, smiling slightly. Getting a smile from their resident Jaffa was a very rare thing indeed, and Sam returned it.

"Major-Carter," He said. "Please, enter."

"OK, Doctor Fraiser said you can stay here for a while. I think she'll come and fetch you when she needs you – that or she'll send me," The nurse said, nodded to the both of them, and then jogged off back to the infirmary.

Sam entered Teal'c's room and he pulled a chair from the corner. "Please, be seated, on the bed if you prefer." She glanced over at the painfully well-made bed, and nodded, practically collapsing on to it. Teal'c sat down on the chair, looking at her.

There was silence for a moment. "Did I interrupt anything?" She asked, trying to fill the silence. She was glad to be out of the infirmary, even though she had no idea what to say. The guys had spent a lot of time with her recently, plus, it was harder with Teal'c as he hardly ever spoke.

"You did not. I had finished my kelno'reem," he stated. "Are you well?"

"I woke up early and read for a while, but my eyes went blurry and I had to stop. So I thought I'd come and see if you were awake," She explained. "It's so nice to be out of the infirmary again."

"Indeed," he said. "Have you eaten yet today?"

"That's all anyone wants to ask me," she sighed, running a hand through her blonde hair and finding a few hairs fell out. "Huh. Not yet. Breakfast is 0800. Do you want to play a game or something?" She asked. "We could break in to the colonel's office and play video games."

Teal'c nodded, "That is a good idea. Should we not inform Doctor Frasier of our movements?" He asked, standing up.

"Probably. I'll call down."

When Sam and her escort arrived at Jack's office, they found that it was occupied. They were already through the door, so they carried on inside and sat down. "Morning, sir, I'm surprised to see you here so early."

"Yeah, thought I'd get caught up on paperwork," O'Neill said, shooting her a gorgeous smile. "Good to see you out and about, Carter. Hey Teal'c. So, what exactly were you wanting from my office?"

"We were going to play video games," Sam admitted, going slightly red. "I was awake and I asked Janet if I could visit Teal'c and Cindy escorted me and we found he was awake so I went in and we were bored, so we came here to play a game."

"Cool!" Jack exclaimed, jumping out of his chair. "I'll set you up a two player racing game. I know how you love fast cars, Carter. But I have to get a turn after Teal'c."

The next hour was spent in his office, playing Rally. Jack sighed and handed the controls to Teal'c, letting him take over, and went to answer the phone. He sat down behind his desk and picked it up, "O'Neill." He paused, letting the person on the other side talk, and then said, "OK. Five minutes. Bye." He hung up, and then looked over at Sam. "Carter." There was no reply, she was focusing intensely on the game. "Carter, it's home time."

She groaned, and put the controller down. "Oh well, managed to escape for an hour," she sighed. "Can I maybe come back later, please?"

"I'll see what I can do," he replied. "I can't see the harm. I mean, no food, nowhere for you to throw up. Supervised, fun. Sounds good to me."

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed. "We must converse with Doctor-Frasier."

"Thanks guys," she nodded, standing up. She leaned on the back of the chair for a minute. The guys noticed this but remained silent. Jack switched off the Playstation and then led them out of the office, and to the infirmary.

"Oh Doc..." Jack called as they entered the infirmary. Carter took off her dressing gown and climbed back on to her bed, remaining on top of the covers, and Jack and Teal'c took their usual seats at her side.

Janet soon appeared with a tray. "Morning Colonel, Teal'c. Sam, I hope you enjoyed your break."

"Yep, I did," Sam nodded, staring at the tray of food in front of her. "That's a lot of food. You could feed a whole army with that."

"Eat what you can," Janet told her, just as expected. She said the same practically every morning. "Guys, can I trust you to watch her?"

"Sure thing," the colonel replied rather merrily. "Any chance of her getting out again for a while on good behaviour?"

"If she eats that, and keeps it down, then we'll see," Janet replied evenly. "But I'm not sure. We really want to keep her here." Sam's face fell.

"Carter, I can always bring the Playstation here again. You and I can have a game later, and I'll dig out The X Files. It's one player and takes forever," O'Neill said, trying to cheer her up again. Janet went to attend to another patient, leaving him and Teal'c with the task of getting her to eat breakfast.

"Okay, Major, get going," he told her firmly. "No video games until the plate is empty."

"Empty? Even you couldn't eat all of this, sir!" She whined, looking down at the massive breakfast. It wasn't that massive, but Jack had to admit it sure was big.

"Half empty," he amended, and she nodded and picked up her fork. "Looks quite nice. They're feeding you the best slop, Carter. The burn and stab victims over there get regular slop."

She put down her fork and decided to go for the yogurt first. Once she'd finished that, quite a while later after several stops, she pushed the table-trolley-thing away and sat back, ignoring O'Neill's expression. They just sat there, in silence, and she finally gave in and took a couple of bites of toast, no butter. Then, she pushed the table-trolley-thing away again, and sat back as she had done before. This time she folded her arms across her chest.

"OK. Well, looks like you'll be staying in here for the rest of the day," Jack shrugged, standing up. "Come on Teal'c, we have stuff to do...Carter, I'm sure Daniel will be down later to see you."

"Indeed," Teal'c said simply, standing up and following his commander towards the door. They paused.

"Wait," She sighed. "Come back. Please."

Teal'c and O'Neill exchanged glances, and smiles, and returned to her side. "Go on, Carter. You know what you have to do to keep us around," The colonel told her. He watched as she picked up her fork, and looked to Teal'c, silently telling him to watch her, and he left the room in search of Doctor Fraiser. "Hey, Doc," he said, as he entered the office. "She really wants to spend some time out of this place...I'll watch her. She'll be with me, in my office, playing video games."

"Sorry, Colonel, not today," Janet replied, signing a form. "I haven't told Sam yet but we have a lot going on. We have a meeting, and her brother has been informed and wishes to talk to her on the phone. Plus, to be honest with you, I'm really worried about her. I need to have a conversation with her about what lies ahead."

"What do you mean?" O'Neill frowned.

"I mean she's very weak, Colonel. You must have noticed it too. I'm worried that she might have done too much damage," Janet replied grimly. It was frightening seeing her so sad, she was generally very bright. "I'm not saying she'll never be back, I'm saying we need to talk."

"She is coming back," The colonel said. "There isn't any room for debate. She'll be back, when she's ready. I don't have any experience with anything like this, but I happen to think she's doing well."

"You're right, _Colonel_, you don't have any experience with this," Janet snapped. "I suggest you get back to work, sir, I'll call you later after we've gotten everything out of the way. I'm sure Sam will want you here."

"Make sure you do," he nodded, obviously angry. "Be careful what you say to her, Doctor. It will crush her to think she'll never rejoin SG-1. She'll give up. The reason she is fighting is because she wants to be back on the team. If you take that away, then she'll give up."

"All I'm saying is that we need to be realistic," Janet said, and then returned to her work.

* * *

Author's Notes: Kind of slow and not very long...sorry...but...I thought you'd prefer a short chapter now to a long chapter in 3 weeks time lol! Oooh...will Sam ever rejoin SG-1? How will her conversations with Marc and Janet go? Will she give up? Find out in the next thrilling chapter of...After the Days...the Stargate soap opera... 


	17. The Call NEW

After the Days

Part 16: The Call

By Jolinar Carter aka JessMerrick

Janet Fraiser crashed down on to her friend's bed, exhausted. SG-11 had returned from a firefight with the Goa'uld, all with time-consuming complaints. She smoothed her brown hair down and sighed. "Phew…I'm worn out."

"Why don't you take my bed and have a lie down?" Sam said, quite obviously bored out of her mind. "I'll go for a jog with the Colonel."

"Yeah right," Janet smiled. "No, Sam. I'm sorry." She jumped off of the bed, closed the curtain and then got herself comfortable on the bed again, looking sadly at her friend. "We need to talk."

"Do we?" The patient sighed, picking at the blanket. "I don't have much to say. I'm trying to save it all for therapy."

"Well can you listen, please?" Janet asked, and Sam was worried by the sadness in the woman's eyes. "You're doing well, but I'm still worried about you. You're still so weak…I…"

"Don't, Janet," Sam pleaded. "Don't. Just don't! I can't hear this! Don't tell me I'll never go through that Gate again! Don't tell me that! If I can't Gate…if I can't be on SG-1…then I may as well be dead."

"Honey…" Janet trailed off, taking hold of her hand. "I just want you to be realistic. You're weak. You may well be stronger in a few weeks, and maybe you'll be able to rejoin SG-1. But there is a chance that you won't. But if you can't, you'll still be a member of the SGC. An important one."

"I doubt that, Janet," Sam snapped, lying back.

"I've spoken to the General. He won't let you go without a huge fight. He would have you as an advisor and head of science. He'd have you doing all the stuff you do on the base now, but full time. You'd be the head science geek," Janet said. "You may well rejoin SG-1 though, you've just got to keep going."

"I'm going to get back on SG-1," Sam hissed. "I am. Now if you don't mind, I really don't feel like company." She rolled over on to her side and closed her eyes, ending the discussion. Janet stood up and lingered at the end of the bed.

"Marc would like to talk to you," she said. "Will you take his call? He's worried." Nothing but silence. "I'll come back later, when you're feeling a little better." Janet finally left and Sam sat back up, crying silently. She wiped her eyes and shook her head. She was way too emotional at the moment, it was driving her crazy.

"I am going to get back on to SG-1," She told herself. "I will. And if I can't, then it's unacceptable, and I'm better off dead because my life is certainly over."

She was still crying when Daniel ducked under the curtain and in to her cubicle, with a vase of flowers. He set them down on the table next to the others he and the colonel had brought her and smiled. "Hey Sam," he said, perching on the egde of the bed. He reached over and kissed her on the cheek, and then sat down on the chair, still in it's usual place. "Why you crying?"

"Because Apophis is dead…why do you think I'm crying?" She snapped.

"You're not very funny when you're upset," Daniel observed, with a small smile. "I take it it's really because you had that chat with Janet." He looked down at his hands, and then said, "Listen, she's just concerned and she's telling you what might happen. I'm sure you'll get better, and rejoin SG-1. We all think so."

"Really?" She sniffed. "I don't think she thinks it's very likely."

"I believe in you. Teal'c believes in you. Jack definitely believes in you…" He assured her, holding her hand as he'd done a lot the past few weeks. "You'll do it, we know you will. It's just going to take time."

"Apparently Marc wants to talk to me," Sam sighed. "I don't know if I can talk to him. I mean, he saw me through this…kind of…when I was a kid. I don't know if I have the guts to tell him."

"Hey, you've gone up against system lords and bastards like Turghan. I think you can handle your big brother," Daniel laughed. "You feel ashamed. I know that. Embarrassed about what you've become. About making the same mistake twice. And you don't want to talk to him because you're afraid. But maybe it's worse not knowing what he thinks than actually knowing?"

"Maybe," She said. "I'll think about it."

"Good. I bet he's worried about you, he'll be really glad you called," He said, and reached over to the bedside table. He grabbed a box of tissues and handed it to her. "Here, wipe your eyes."

"Thanks," she said, as she did just that. "Hey, I think they forgot my breakfast. Will you go and see what's going on please?"

"Wow. I'm sure that's a good thing…you asking them," He grinned, standing up. He patted her knee.

"No…I think it's some kind of weird test," she shrugged. He shrugged back and disappeared, returning around three minutes later with a tray. He set it down on the bed and sat back down. "Yogurt and toast."

"At least it's a different flavour of yogurt. Apricot. Nice," He said, watching her as she peeled off the lid. "So how many days is it now?"

"Three hundred and fifty six days, nineteen hours, fifty three minutes and six seconds…" Sam replied grimly. Seeing Daniel's face, she sighed and said, "Okay, no. But it seems like it's been that long. I know I have loads to go yet."

"You'll get through it."

"Really? Because for most of the last few days I've been wishing I had a key to the drugs cabinet so I could go nuts and OD again," she said, brushing a strand of hair from her forhead. She picked up her spoon.

"Sam…" Daniel trailed off, not knowing what to say. Again.

"Sorry," she said, "It's just how I feel. Depression. It's a bugger."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed. "Been there myself a few times. I was thinking, when you do come home, this time you could come and stay with me for a few weeks if you'd like. Or Jack would be happy to have you back as a guest, but…"

"I don't know…thanks. We'll see. It seems like years away though," She smiled, and then after swallowing her first mouthful of yogurt, groaned. "Ugh. This doesn't taste much like apricot. It's more like pineapple gone bad."

"Oh dear…" Daniel said, pulling a face similar to hers. He picked up the yogurt and sniffed it, quickly putting it back down. "I would not eat that either. Move on to the toast, I'm sure they won't mind too much if you eat all of that."

"Okay," she nodded. "Do you think I made a mistake not calling my father?" She asked a few minutes later, out of the blue. She was half way through her toast, so she took a break, and sat back.

"I understand why you didn't contact him…" Daniel replied carefully. "I'm not sure. It's your decision. You don't want to put him through that…having lost one daughter to this already. Having almost lost you to this already."

"Right," she nodded, poking at the toast with the end of her knife. "I want to spare him."

"But he's your father, and he has a right to be at your side as you recover. And you deserve to have him here with you," He continued, even at the risk of pissing her off. "Maybe you should let him know?"

"I'll talk to Marc and see how he takes it," Sam decided. "Then I will decide whether or not to tell my Dad."

"Right. We couldn't get hold of him before, when you…uhm…" He paused, and coughed.

"Died? Bought the farm? Snuffed it? Croaked?" She supplied with a small grin. She really had spent too much time with Jack O'Neill. Daniel couldn't help but laugh. "But he should be back home by now."

"Right," he agreed.

"Daniel?"

"Sam?"

"Can I ask you something?" She said, spreading chocolate spread on to her toast. She sat there once she'd finished and stared at it for a minute, as if it were a Goa'uld preparing to attack.

"Anything," He nodded.

"Tell me the truth?"

"I promise," he agreed, and then wondered if that was such a great idea. She could be asking if he had naughty thoughts about Kylie Minogue for all he knew. Which for some reason, he did. He couldn't understand it, she had no talent and she wasn't all that pretty…a crush on Amy Lee would have made much more sense…_Ahem_…

"How do I look?" She asked finally, looking at him, her eyes pleading with him to tell her the truth.

"Better," he replied, showing her his hands – that his fingers weren't crossed, behind his back – and smiling. "You have a little more colour. You've gained a couple of pounds…better."

"Really?" She smiled.

"Yes," he replied. "I said I'd be honest."

"Thanks," Sam nodded. "Thanks Daniel."

"Eat your toast," he commanded, in his best impression of Jack. "That's an order, Major."

"Oh, now, do Hammond!" She exclaimed, giggling and turning red. Daniel was happy to, it was lovely to see her smiling and laughing.

"SG-1, you have a go," He said, in a passable imitation of the Texan. "Dial the Gate, Sergeant."

"I hope you're not making fun of me, Doctor Jackson," A Texan voice said from the doorway. Daniel nearly jumped a mile when he saw the General, and Carter's gaze turned to her food. Hammond was laughing his ass off as he walked over to her bay and sat down in the chair on the other side of the bed. "I thought it was quite a good impression actually."

"Thank you sir," he mumbled.

"Major," Hammond said, and then, "Sam. How are you doing today? I swear you look better each time I see you."

"I'm alive, sir," she replied. "Thank you. How are you?"

"I've been battling a virus for a week, that's why I haven't been around here much. We're not supposed to visit you if we're sick. They're worried if you're already low and you come in to contact with something nasty, then it might slow your progress," he explained. "But I'm feeling good now."

"Don't worry, sir, I've had plenty of company," Sam told him. "In fact, I was even playing video games in Colonel O'Neill's office this morning." Seeing his eyebrow raise, she added, "with Teal'c. The Colonel was doing paperwork."

"I see," Hammond smiled. "I'm glad to hear you're out and about I'm hoping you'll be allowed out of the mountain for a few hours soon. I'm sure it would do you a lot of good. You could go to the park with Cassandra."

"Yes sir, I'm looking forward to doing those things," Sam said, and took a small bite of her toast. "They always burn the toast."

-

"Hey Daniel," Colonel Jack O'Neill said, looking up from his pile of paperwork. The archaeologist sat down and he returned his attention to a very important looking document, which had a post it note on top saying 'straight signature' so he signed it at the bottom. "Thank God I took notes when Hammond handed me this. Uh, how is Carter?"

"She was crying when I got there but when I left she was fine," The younger man replied. "She's with Hammond now. Then she's going to have a bath, call Marc and then have lunch. After that, she is going to decide whether or not to contact Jacob."

"Ah. Busy day," O'Neill said, signing another document. "Did she eat breakfast without any trouble?"

"Yep," Daniel confirmed. "Want to get some coffee?"

"Daniel, I can't believe I'm doing more work than you at the moment," Jack said. "I'm starting to freak out."

"I know," Daniel nodded. "It's strange."

-

The Nurse of the day, Michelle, wheeled the phone over to Sam to save her getting up, and left her, curtain closed, to call her brother. She paused, and then dialled the number. It rang for quite a while, until finally a little girl answered. "Hello?"

"Hi, Jessica?" Sam guessed. "Hi, it's Auntie Sammie."

"Auntie Sam!" Jessica exclaimed. She was Sam's four-year-old niece. She didn't see much of her aunt but associated her with Barbie dolls, as she usually got spoiled rotten when her auntie came to visit. And her big brother, Michael, thought the world of his aunt. "Daddy was worried about you. Are you OK?"

"I'm fine, honey. How are you?" Sam replied, wondering if she sounded as nervous as she felt.

"I'm OK," Jessica replied. "Bye Auntie Sam. Dad is telling me he really wants to talk to you."

"Bye honey," Sam said in her best perky voice. There was a pause, and then a cough, and she could tell it was Marc. She dropped the perkiness. "Hi, Marc, it's Samantha."

"I guessed from the way Jessie's face lit up," Marc replied. "I was surprised when I got a phone call from a Doctor Janet Fraiser. A woman who says she is treating you for an illness I didn't know you had now."

"It never really went away, Marc…I just had a…relapse…I guess…" she sighed. "She didn't tell me she was calling."

"Oh, so you weren't going to tell me at all that you were so ill you could die," Marc snapped. He paused, sounding calmer when he next spoke. "Sorry. I'm just worried about you. Can I come down and see you?"

"Uh, you'd have to ask Janet," Sam replied. "I don't think she would allow it. I'm locked away in an Air Force medical facility. I'll ask."

"Okay," Marc said, and she got the feeling he was nodding. "How on Earth did this happen, Samantha?"

"I don't know…"

"It's good to talk to you," he said. "I do actually miss you, believe it or not."

"I miss you too," Sam admitted. "I'm so sorry, Sparkie. I didn't mean for this to happen, I just…I got so engrossed in what I was doing and in helping a friend find his way home that I just got lost myself."

"Shh," Marc said, "Sami, don't apologise to me, just work on getting yourself better. Don't make me explain to the kids that their Aunt Sam died from thinking she was too fat. Just work on it?"

"I will," she sniffed. "I am. They're helping me. Two of the best doctors in the world are with me every day. My colleagues…my team…they're at my side all the time. It's hard though, you know…"

"Did you tell Dad?" He wondered. "I mean, if you could find him to tell him."

"No," she sighed. "Not yet. I'm not sure I can. Do you think I should?"

"I think he'd be pissed if he found out later."

"Me too," she agreed. "I…uh…I was afraid to call. I thought you were going to freak out and give me a lecture or something." There was silence for a minute. "I guess I underestimated you Marc. You're a good brother."

"I am, aren't I?" He said. "Well…why don't you put me on to Janet and I will ask if I can come visit you. Or perhaps if they don't want me there we can meet in the park or at your place or something. Surely they'll let you out for a day if you're supervised?"

"I wouldn't count on it, but I'll go find her," Sam replied. "Hang on." She rested the phone on the bed and then slowly stood up, wincing as the pain in her ankle returned. She wandered around the hall until she'd looked everywhere on the floor except for Janet's office. She hobbled over and knocked on the door. "Janet, my brother would like to speak to you."

The doctor grinned and stood up, walking over to the door. She put a hand on Sam's back, smiling at her for a moment, and then leading the way back to the infirmary.

-

"Major Carter?" Michelle called, knocking on the washroom door. "Major? You have company, ma'am." There was no response, and the nurse looked to the Colonel who was stood beside her.

"CARTER!" O'Neill yelled. "CARTER!"

There was a pause, and then, "Sir!"

"You OK in there?" He asked, very concerned now. He exchanged worried looks with Michelle.

"I just felt a little sick for a while there," she replied back, her voice louder and stronger now. "I felt a little weird."

"Can you come out?" He asked, ear pressed against the door. To any passers by it might look rather odd, but he didn't really care.

"Give me a sec," came her reply.

"Uh, no," Jack sighed. "Are you decent? Carter, are you decent? Carter?" He looked over to the nurse. "OK, you go in." The nurse nodded and mumbled a yes sir, before opening the door slightly and slipping through, making sure that the colonel didn't get a view in to the room. "Is she OK?"

"Yes sir," Sam replied. "I am. Honest." He could hear movement, and Michelle opened the door to reveal his second-in-command sitting on the edge of the bath in her pyjamas and dressing gown. He guessed Michelle had probably helped her with the gown. "See?"

"You don't look too brilliant," he told her. "No offense. Let's get you back to bed shall we?"

"Yes sir," She replied, and he slipped an arm under her armpit, supporting her, Michelle on her other side, as they helped her back to bed. He gently helped her up and she lay back, pulling the covers over her. "Thanks," she blushed. "I don't know what happened there."

"Don't sweat it," he told her with a shrug. He sat down in his usual chair, leaning on the bed. "So, how did your chat with Marc go, if you don't mind my asking?"

"It went well. Janet said he can visit me next week. I can go home for the day, with one of SG-1 to supervise me, and Marc can visit me there. Then someone will have to bring me back in. It's only for a few hours, not really worth the drive for him, but he wants to come," She explained, resting her hand on her stomach. "I hope I haven't got a cold or something."

"Isn't it just part of your illness?" Jack frowned. "I would have thought feeling sick when you're…you know…is common. And feeling dizzy when your're weak."

"Maybe," she sighed.

"Anyway, I would be happy to hang with you on your day out next week," He informed her, smiling. "It will be nice for you to get out of this damn mountain. Nice for me, as well, I don't seem to be seeing much sunlight recently."

"Really?" She beamed. "That's wondeful!"

Odd place to end it, but…


	18. The Outing NEW

_Notes: A little short, but the next chapter will be good, I promise!!_

-

The days leading up to Sam's outing were very dull for her indeed, but she was making more progress by the day according to Janet.

"So, how is she doing?" O'Neill asked, sitting down at the Briefing Room table. "I assume this meeting is about Carter?"

"Yes sir," Janet confirmed, with a small smile. "We are very pleased with Major Carter's progress recently. She's gained a good amount of weight, she has a little more strength. She's doing well."

"Can she go home soon?" Daniel asked, after a swig of coffee.

"No," Janet frowned. "The plan is to keep her here until she is back to full strength. We let her out early last time and look what happened. She won't be getting out quite yet. It's going to be a while."

"Yeah, we expected that," The colonel said. "But she's allowed out to see Marc? So after that maybe she'll be allowed on other trips?"

"Perhaps occasionally," The doctor replied. "I have to say we're not keen on that. Anyway, moving on, I just wanted to let you all know I'm really pleased. If she keeps it up, she will get better, and, I hope, rejoin SG-1."

"That's good news," Hammond smiled. "Thank you Doctor."

"How much more does she need to gain?" O'Neill asked. "That basically tells us how far she has to go."

"A lot," Janet replied. "She lost three stone by the end. I'd be very pleased to see her regain two then she could possibly return to duty. But three would be best. She's gained a few pounds, nowhere near enough."

"I see," He said, doodling on his pad of paper. "Are we done here? And General, could I please have a word with you, in private?"

"Of course, son," Hammond replied. He stood up, and looked around the table. "Unless you have anything further to say, Doctor…" She shook her head. "Dismissed." He left the room, Jack following behind him. When they reached the office, he sat down, and Jack entered fast behind him, closing the door. He stood in front of the general's desk and waited for him to ask what was going on. "Jack, what do you need?"

"Major Carter is very depressed still, General. She's going insane in this place," O'Neill began, and he could see his boss frowning. "No, I'm not asking you to overrule Janet, I happen to agree with her. I was just thinking that maybe we need to do something for Carter."

"What are you suggesting?" The General smiled. "Talk to me, son."

"Leave. Me. Alone."

"Major Carter, please…" Nerida Quinnlan begged. "Doctor Frasier will have my ass if I don't get you out of bed. She's scary!"

"Leave. Me. Alone." The patient insisted again, closing her eyes and pulling her covers up over her. "I'm trying to sleep."

"Fine," the nurse sighed. "But you can tell her why you won't get up."

"Because I'm tired," Sam groaned. "And I feel like shit. Please, just another hour…"

"Okay," she said, finally giving in. "But at 9 you will eat breakfast, get straight up, have a bath, get dressed and then talk to Skyla. No arguments. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," Sam muttered. "Go away now, please."

"Does that go for me, too?" Jack asked, strolling over, hands in his pockets. She pushed the covers down and turned, so that she could see him. "Morning, Major. You're not giving the lovely Nerida here any trouble, are you?"

"Yes sir," Sam replied honestly. "I am not feeling that well, Colonel, and I'd really rather sleep in."

"It affects your whole routine," he sighed. "Get your ass out of bed, lazy bones. Nearly all you do here is lounge around anyway, you can sleep later."

"Lounge around?" Sam frowned. "Is that what you think I do here? I'm sick, Colonel, really damn sick. It's not a vacation or a spa! I don't go for massages and mud wraps! I feel awful. I get up, I eat, I'm forced to talk non-stop for hours. It isn't fun!"

"At least you aren't on tubes," he shrugged, feeling kind of bad now.

"Not yet anyway," she mumbled. "I got this far years back. Got worse again. Ended up there."

"That isn't going to happen again," he said, confidently. "We won't let it. You won't let it. You're a soldier, Sam. You promised to fight, remember? Fight this illness, and also to fight for your country. Your planet! Today, fighting is getting up, getting dressed and getting that one step further down the road to recovery. Fighting is getting out of bed. Now, get your ass out of that bed."

"Yes sir," she said, unable to disobey an order. She shoved the covers back to the end of the bed and propped herself up on her pillows.

"Good, I'll go and tell Nerrie you're ready for breakfast," Jack said, disappearing for a few seconds. When he returned, she was sipping water from the beaker that had been on her nightstand. "Ugh, that's from last night isn't it?" He pulled a face. "Give me the glass and the jug and I'll go get you some nice, fresh, cold, bottled water." He made it sound very attractive. Tap water was disgusting she never drank it. Apart from when Janet and her evil nurses made her. Before she had even realised he'd left, he was plonking the jug of ice water down on the nightstand, a fresh glass in his other hand. "Here you go."

"Thanks," she smiled, taking a few small sips. "So what do you have going on today, sir?" She felt weak and desperately wanted to crawl back in to bed, but she knew her commanding officer was right. "I heard Major Dixon is covering your next mission."

"Yeah, he is. His team are all out with the alien flu," Jack grinned. "They deserve it after the prank they pulled on us the other week."

"Unofficially I have to say I agree," she nodded. "What did Daniel ever to do them? You're always doing stuff, but Daniel is an angel."

"Oh really?" Jack laughed. "Oh, you were serious."

"He is," she insisted. "Isn't he?"

"To you, perhaps," He said. "But he did pull a major prank on Dixie's chicks." That was the nickname they had invented together one dull day. Daniel had been engrossed in negotations, with Teal'c as his bodyguard, leaving the two soldiers alone in their 'hotel' room.

"Not long until I get out of here for the day, right?" She smiled. "I really can't wait. It will be nice to see Marc, and to spend the day with you, outside of this base."

"It'll be cool," he agreed. "And no, it really isn't that long. Just keep it up and you will be seeing Marc real soon. Okay, now you're up, I will leave you under Nerida's supervision. I have lots and lots of work to do and not enough time to do it…" he stretched, and stood up, leaving as soon as the nurse had returned with breakfast. She nodded to the colonel and then sat down. "Later."

"Dannyboy!" O'Neill called as he entered the archaeologist's office/lab. "It's time to go…"

Daniel looked up from his translations and smiled. "Go where?" He asked, and then he realised what the older man was talking about. Last night when Jack had got home, he had called Daniel, Janet, Cassie and Teal'c and told them all about his master plan involving his second in command. "Oh. Right. Coming!" He said, closing the book and replacing it on the shelf. "Let's go then."

"Great. We've just got to pick up the T man," O'Neill said as they left the room.

Sam padded down the hall and slammed the door of the bathroom behind her, locking it despite all the lectures from Janet and her staff for the past few weeks. She felt pretty good this morning, she was getting out for the day. It was early yet but she had decided to have her bath now, then get dressed, have breakfast and be waiting for her ride when he picked her up at 08:00 sharp.

She was sitting in the chair beside her bed, reading The Lord of The Rings, when Colonel O'Neill strolled in to the room an hour later, dressed in a leather jacket, beige cargo pants and a plain shirt. He looked lovely, not that she should be noticing such things. "Wow, you're near the end of that already," he observed. "You look good, I like the dress, it's cute. Black cardigan is also cool."

"Thank you sir," she smiled, putting her bookmark in to the book and then standing up. "I'm ready to go. I've had breakfast, I've seen Janet already…"

"Okie dokie," he nodded. "Let's go." She was pleased that he didn't seem to want to check with any of the staff that she had done as she'd said, even though she honestly had finished breakfast.

Once they got back to her house, she did the obvious things, water the plants, feed the fish, throw out the bad food and milk, read the mail…she was lucky in that she had three men who were willing to do anything for her, so the place hadn't gotten too bad while she'd been away. Ordering her to stop and rest, Jack boiled the kettle and made her a blackcurrant herbal tea. He brought it over to her with a cup of coffee for him, and sat down beside her on the couch. They spent the next couple of hours talking and watching TV, and she was the happiest he'd seen her in quite a while.

It was an hour and a half before the doorbell rang, and she looked at him nervously. "Oh god…that will be Marc," she said, stating the obvious. He placed his hand on her shoulder, and squeezed.

"You'll do fine," he assured her. "He's your big brother, Carter. Not a system lord." He winked, and then stood up and went to open the door. Sam took a deep breath…


	19. The Day Release NEW

Sam stood up and walked over to the doorway, leaning on it. She was careful to pose to make it appear as if she were just leaning, not leaning because she felt she had to. Jack returned back down the hall, and stepped aside. "Sam!" Her brother exclaimed, jogging the few paces over to her and pulling her in to a giant hug. He pulled back, keeping his hands on her shoulders, and frowned, looking her up and down. "Oh, Sami."

She smiled weakly, and sadly, and then took his hand and lead him in to the living room. He sat down beside her on the couch, and she tucked her feet beneath her, feeling the cold even though the heating was on. The colonel stayed in the doorway. "Uh, I can go and watch TV in your room if you want?" He suggested, scratching his head. "Or I can go sit in the kitchen."

"My room is tidy," she nodded. "Don't worry sir, nothing embarrassing left out. You know where it is, right?" He nodded, and then walked off, leaving the brother and sister alone. Marc stared at her for a couple of minutes before either of them said anything. "You can say it."

"Say what?" He said.

"I look like crap," she sighed. "I know I do. Believe it or not, this is better than I looked a couple of weeks ago."

"I wasn't going to say it," Marc said quietly. "You don't exactly look healthy, Sam, but you don't look like crap. You'll always be beautiful, no matter how thin, or fat you get. And I'm not just saying that because I have to because we're related. I mean it."

"It's a long way for you to drive just for a few hours – oh, you must be thirsty!" Sam said as she got up and padded down the hall to the kitchen. She returned with two glasses of traditional lemonade. She handed him his and then sat back down. "It's a long way just for a few hours with your brat sister…"

"It's not exactly a five minute drive, no, but it was definitely worth it. Come on, Samantha, you're my sister. I had to come. It was very hard to convince the kids that they needed to go to school. They really wanted to come, they love you," He grinned. "They really, really love you."

"I'm glad they didn't come. I don't want them to see me like this," she took a sip of her drink. "The colonel stopped at the store on the way here and bought food and drink for the day from Janet's special list. Apparently they want me to drink lemonade."

"Ah," he nodded. "So how are they looking after you? How long do you think you'll be in their facility?"

"Weeks," she shrugged. "Not sure how long at this point. As long as it takes to put on the couple of stone I lost. Could be quite a while at this rate, it's going very slowly. They let me out too early, a couple of months ago, and I got really bad. So here we are, I almost died, they're keeping me locked up."

"I was shocked when I heard," he said, staring in to his glass. "I thought this was long behind us. I thought you felt good about yourself these days, positive. I thought you liked the person you are."

"I did. I just…" she shook her head. "Look, it doesn't matter. We are where we are."

"Yep."

"I was afraid to talk to you. Afraid of what you'd say," she admitted, finishing off her drink. "I hate to admit it but I was. I didn't want to put you, or dad, through this again. You don't deserve it."

"You shouldn't have worried about me, or dad," Marc replied, turning around so that he was sitting facing her. "You need to worry about you. Focus on you, not on us, or Nicole. This is about you, your life is on the line. You deserve to have your family there to support you. I told you long ago that you could come to me with anything."

"I know," she said, wiping her eyes. "I felt so ashamed of what I'd become. Again. I'm sorry." He put his arms out and she shifted over to him, resting her head on her brother's chest.

"We're going to get you through this, Little Sami," he told her, stroking her hair. She realised how much she had missed him, and he seemed to be thinking the same when she moved away and smiled embarrassedly at him. "You're going to spend Christmas with us this year. Look forward to that. You want to be back to normal Sam for Christmas, to see the kids."

"That will be nice," she agreed. "I'll be back in a minute…"

"OK," Marc said. "Do you mind if I take a look in your fridge? I could do with a snack."

"Help yourself," she shouted, from down the hall. He heard a door close, and then voices.

--

"Carter?" Jack said, careful to be proper as her brother was around. He stood up and ventured out of the bedroom.

"I'll be out in a minute," she replied. "If you hear me puking, come on in, it's unlocked."

He paused for a minute, and then stepped back, leaning against the wall. He felt awkward here, but, she was ill and needed an eye or an ear kept on her.

Sam emerged from the bathroom and smiled slightly. "See? Didn't throw up."

"Uh, congratulations?" He shrugged, and she laughed. He was being sarcastic, as if this whole thing was no big deal, and she liked that. "Can I return to my hockey game now?" He faked annoyance at having to leave for a minute.

"Yes sir," she nodded, heading back towards the living room. She seemed fairly happy today, he noticed, and it was a nice thing to see. He had missed her smile, the one that she saved especially for him – the one that lit up the room.

"I'm back," she announced, unnecessarily as she returned to the living room. She sat down in the armchair, as Marc was eating a sandwich. He looked up at her, frowning, and then looked back down at his plate, then, finally, up again. "It's okay, Marc. Really. Eat your sandwich. I'll be having one later, with the colonel. And you, if you can stay that long."

"Yes ma'am," he winked. He hadn't been happy about her joining the air force, but over the past few years he had accepted it. But ever since the Academy he had saluted her and called her ma'am. He shoved the last bite in to his mouth, chewed, swallowed, and then grinned at her. "That's better. I needed that. Now, we should talk. I need to do the whole big brother thing."

"You want to get a bunch of totally different weird people together in a house and videotape it? Great, I know exactly the weirdos we need." She quipped, and it was lame, and she knew it, but they both laughed. "Fine, go ahead. Give me the speech and get all emotional and then there's the hugging thing…"

--

Jack O'Neill stretched and reluctantly got off of Sam's very comfortable bed, switched off the TV and quietly moved down the hall, stopping outside the living room. He couldn't hear any crying or emotional chats, so he figured it was safe to go in. He knocked on the door and then entered, and sat down in the other armchair. "She looks happier than I've seen her in weeks," he told Marc. "You should stick around. She obviously loves hanging with her big bro."

"I wish I could," he sighed, looking at his watch. "I wish I could stay until she was 100. But I can't. I will stay for a late lunch, and then I must be going. I'll try and get back up here as soon as I can. Maybe a couple of weeks time."

"Okay," Sam said, and they could hear the sorrow in her voice. "But you'll call, right?"

"Of course," Marc smiled. "Colonel, Sami tells me you're taking good care of her. Make sure you keep it up, I want her fit and well for Christmas with me, my wife and the kids. But thank you, it sounds like you're being very good to her."

"It's nothing," Jack replied, and he wondered if Marc knew he was the reason she was in this mess. No, of course not. "I owe her, and I want to be here for her. I don't want to have to train up another second in command. She gets me, my humour, my tactics. It's hard to find someone like that!"

"Yes sir, I should imagine it is," she giggled.

--

The two officers were stood on the drive, watching as Marc's new black mercedes drove off. "You okay?" Jack asked Sam, as she wiped her eyes. "It's a shame he had to go so soon, you were enjoying yourself, or seemed to be, despite the amount of talking about _it_ that you did."

"I miss him most of the time," she smiled, going back inside. "That went better than I expected."

"Good," he nodded, closing the front door behind them. "You don't have to go back for a couple of hours yet, so chill out."

"Do you mind if I go and pack some stuff to take back with me?" Sam requested, hovering in the hall for a minute.

"Sure," he nodded. "Just remember your baggage will be checked upon your return. Sorry, but that's how it goes for you now, at least for the moment."

"I just hope it's a woman," she grinned. "The men of the SGC will never see me the same again."

"Underwear and trashy novels…" he said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Cool." She was laughing so much she was going bright red, and the next thing he knew she was leaning against the wall, attempting to breathe. "Sorry, didn't realise I was so funny. Calm down, take a deep breath," he instructed, leading her to the nearest chair.

"I'm alright now, sir," she assured him, a few seconds later, standing up. "I was just laughing so hard I couldn't breathe! I will go and pack my bag, get some CDs and books and stuff to take back."

"Okay," he said, "but be careful. Don't work too hard, you're meant to be taking it easy."

"Packing isn't working, sir, it's easy," she laughed, disappearing off down the hall of the bungalow and into her room. O'Neill grinned to himself and then returned to the lounge to watch _MacGyver_. "This guy is so…the hair…ugh."

--

Review, please! Need reviews, so keep 'em coming! Thankies!


	20. The Prison NEW

_A/N: Last chapter for at least a week, possibly two or three…Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter again, that was more like it! It's not that I ask for them because I want an ego boost…I need to know what the readers think so that the story doesn't drag on too long or it doesn't miss out something that you guys want to see. So, if anyone has any suggestions on what they'd like to happen, then please comment away. Thank you all so much for the wonderful feedback I've never had so much for anything I've ever written! I have to say I've enjoyed this the most out of anything I've done and I wish it wasn't ending in just a couple of weeks. I will be very sad as I write the last chapter, as I started this years ago. I'm not completely sure when the last chapter will be, I think it will just be written and seem like a natural ending. Merry Christmas. What are SG-1 up to, by the way? Nobody asked that in reviews lol…let's find out…_

-

Jack looked at his watch and sighed. He hadn't seen Carter this happy in a long time, and he felt awful having to drag her back to her jail. That's exactly what it was, a jail. She was there for her own good, but she was still confined to a small, dull room in a mountain, with no windows. Sounded like a prison to him.

But then he thought about the look on her face when she found out what they had been plotting, and smiled to himself.

He left it ten minutes, letting her watch the end of _Buffy_, and then stood up. "Sam," he said, "I'm sorry, but it's really time to be going. As fond I am of you, I won't die a painful death just so you can watch another half hour of TV."

"It's okay, sir, I won't give you any trouble," she nodded, getting up. She switched off the TV and then went to grab her bag, but he beat her to it. "Thanks. And thanks for bringing me home today. Thanks for everything."

"Would you stop thanking me?" He exclaimed. "I don't deserve your thanks. I've been such a jerk, and I'm trying to make it up to you. You're my friend, and all I'm doing is being here for you."

"I really needed to get out of that infirmary," she said quietly. There was still a trace of a smile on her face, which was good. "Even for a day."

"Maybe soon you'll be allowed your own room?" He shrugged. "VIPs or at least a side room. There are plenty."

"Maybe. I think Janet wants me out in the open where someone can see me at all times. She wants me to be out there with other patients and the staff, not locked in a room by myself. I would kind of like the privacy, but I can't see myself getting it. Not yet," she said. "But that's okay. For now. It has to be."

"Right," Jack headed for the door, opened it and then gestured for her to go first. She stepped out and continued on to the truck while he stayed back and closed and locked the door with his key. He jumped in to the truck and they sat, parked, for a minute. "Is there anything you need before we go back? We could hit a newsagents on the way back."

"No," she replied, and he noticed the dropping of the sir, and grinned. "Let's just get back before Janet has kittens or something equally as weird."

"At the SGC? It would be tiny orange elves," he laughed. "Okay, I'm not that funny." He started the engine. "Would you see whats on the radio please?" She rifled through his CD case in the door pocket and pulled one out, inserting it and then turning up the volume. He nodded as he realised what it was. "Nice choice!"

"I thought so," she replied. "Do I have to put up with your singing though, if we play this? Because I'm already sick…we really don't want to make it worse."

"Are you saying I'm a bad singer, Carter?" He asked, shaking his head. "Ouch."

"I know, I'm mean," she giggled. "Nah, you're fine, sir, you're just no Johnny Van Zant."

As they approached the mountain, he noticed her become more and more depressed. She stared out of the window, sighing occasionally, but only very faintly. "Hey, I was thinking. Cassandra has never been to Disney World."

"No, she hasn't," Sam said, turning back to him, and frowning.

"Well, maybe we should take her," He suggested. "We could all go together. We're all getting big fat bonuses for saving the world, again."

"I'm not sure Janet has that kind of money to take both of them to Florida, sir," Sam smiled sadly. "It was a nice idea though."

"Well my bonus would cover Cassie. She's like my niece, I can treat her," He grinned. "What's the use in having an adopted niece if you can't spoil her rotten? Besides, I'm sure we could all use a break beside the pool. We could have one week at Clearwater Beach and another at Disney. I have to take that kid to see Mickey Mouse, though. She's getting older and although she'd enjoy it as a young adult it would be different if we went while she was still…sort of…a child."

"Maybe you should suggest it to Janet," Sam said, thinking again how sweet this man was. "It's a lovely thought, really. But it will probably be a couple of months before Janet lets me do anything. I'm pretty much grounded."

"Well we could plan it for summer break or something," he said. "We'll talk about it." The idea of a holiday with her team, Janet and her favourite person on the planet, Cassie, seemed to have cheered her up.

They arrived back at the base a couple of minutes later and Jack escorted her straight back to the infirmary, as ordered. Janet was waiting near the door, looking at her watch impatiently. When she spotted them she walked towards them. "Colonel! You're fifteen minutes late."

"My apologies," he said, a glint of something in his eye that Sam did not miss. What was he up to? "Here she is, in one piece. We had a great day, everything went smoothly with Marc, Sam is fairly happy, there was nothing bad…we ate sandwiches and drank lemonade, watched TV and came back."

"Glad to hear it," Janet said, and then turned to Sam. "Listen, we got some marines with tummy bugs in today and being the huge babies that they are, I need to keep them in the infirmary, plus it's best to keep them together as they annoy each other instead of the staff. So, I've had to move you in to a side room. I hope that's alright." Sam just shrugged. "Great. Your stuff is already moved, I had Daniel and Teal'c help me." She lead them back the way they'd come, and stopped in front of a closed door with a whiteboard attatched. In large, purple letters it read Major S. Carter, and the neat handwriting was unmistakably Daniel's. He had also drawn a couple of stars around her name, and she smiled, laughing to herself.

Janet stepped aside and let Sam open the door. Behind her, Jack and Janet grinned at each other and then watched as she gasped. She ventured further in to the room, with them following behind her. "Wow…" Sam cried. "This is wonderful!"

Daniel, Teal'c and Cassandra were sat on the bed, which was covered in a checkered lavender quiltcover. General Hammond was sat on one of the chairs in the corner, grinning. "You like it?" Cassandra asked.

"I love it," She replied. "Oh, my, god, guys, and, uh, General! Wow. I can't believe you did all of this in a day…I can't believe you did all of this, for me!" She walked around the room, noticing the rug, the extra furniture, the posters and pictures on the wall – including a couple of Cassandra's latest masterpieces, her teacher at school says she has talent – and the extra items such as lamps, photo frames, vases, ornaments, a shelf full of books, video games, DVDs and videos, a stereo and a small TV and DVD/VCR combi player in the far corner. There was obviously a Playstation somewhere in there as well, probably borrowed from O'Neill. It was like an apartment, and if you ignored the gray it was a lot like the room they had helped Janet decorate for Cassie. "Oh my god." She sat down beside Cassandra, a hand over her mouth. "I don't know what to say…"

"Well," O'Neill said, leaning against a wall. "I'm glad you like it. It was perfect Marc calling and wanting to see you because it got you out of the way so that these guys could do their magic."

"It was Jack's idea," Hammond told her, and they could all hear the affection he had for her show in his voice. He was usually very business like, but he had known Samantha since she was a child, and he'd always felt fairly protective of her, and fond of her. "He came to me after a briefing the other day and said he wanted to do something to cheer you up. He told me his idea, and I thought it was good. I gave him permission to fix this room up so long as Doctor Fraiser agreed. They all went shopping yesterday, with Cassandra, and then they all got to work today."

"General George helped too," Cassandra said. "He's just…modest?"

"Thank you all, so much." Her voice was shaky, and they all quietly wondered if she was about to burst in to tears.

"Well you're going to be in here for a while, so we wanted you to be comfortable. I warn you, though, you've got to be good because there is a camera right there," Jack winked. "So no disappearing off to play with Teal'c."

"I'll be good, sir," She beamed. "Wow…I…had no idea. You guys are awesome, really. Thank you so much."

"I had best be going, I have work to do," Hammond announced, getting up and straightening his uniform. Sam rose and gave him a hug. He was surprised, but he returned it and then let go of her. "I'm glad you like it, Sam." And with that, he left, Janet behind him.

Cassie bounced on the bed, patting it. "Sit down, Sam, Jack!" She exclaimed. "I think there's enough room…you have really crappy channels like CNN but you do have some videos we stole from yours and my collection plus some of mom's. I want to watch Armageddon again!"

"Liv Tyler. Sounds good to me," Jack agreed, crashing down beside the 13-year-old. "Buuut, it is Sam's room, so it's up to her."

"I like Bruce Willis," she said, sitting behind Cassandra. She untied the girl's hair and started braiding it. "Daniel, will you put it on, please?"

All of the others seemed to be enjoying the movie but Jack's attention was fixed on Sam. He smiled to himself as he watched her, playing with Cassie's hair and smiling slightly. She was enjoying herself, she was happy, and Sam being happy was a rare occurance these days. "What?" She frowned, grinning at the same time. It felt like the old days, like she was normal, even if it was just for a few hours. It felt good.

"Nothing. I was just staring at young Cassandra's painting. It's quite brilliant," he covered, but he was pretty sure no one bought that. He hadn't realised he'd been staring. Oh well. "Cassie, what time does Janet get off duty tonight?"

"Nine," she replied. "I hope I get to see the end."

"If you have to go before it finishes I'll stop it and we can watch it some other time," Sam assured her, wrapping her arm around her. Jack felt sorry for Carter, he knew it had been one of the hardest things she had ever done, taking Cassandra to live with Janet. He knew how much she loved the girl, how sympathetic she felt towards her, having lost her mother at a young age too. She loved that kid more than anything, and it really must hurt to only get to see her every other weekend. But, she knew she was happy with Janet, and that was what mattered most to her, Cassandra's happiness. "Will you come back and see me again soon, honey? Maybe you could bring your sleeping bag and we could have a pyjama party like we do at home. We could watch movies and stuff."

Cassandra's face lit up. "I'd love to!" She nodded, jumping up and heading straight for the door. "I'll go ask now!"

Sam watched as the men of SG-1 watched her leave, and shook her head. Teal'c never showed much emotion but his affection for Cassandra did show through quite often, and Daniel and O'Neill were wearing huge grins and quite probably thinking something along the lines of _aww, bless_!

"Sleepover, huh?" Jack said. "Cool! Am I invited?" There was silence, apart from very faint giggling coming from the blonde. The next part was said in a very funny Teenage-Girl-Clueless-Beverly Hills type voice. "Well? We could do each others nails and play truth or dare and we could gossip about the cute guys we have crushes on."

Sam was bright red, laughing out loud, and Daniel was chuckling. Teal'c's eyebrow was raised, which probably indicated he was confused or amused. "I didn't know you liked guys, Jack, else I'd have set you up with my friend Chris a long time ago," Daniel said.

Mission accomplished, Carter was rolling around laughing and snorting at regular intervals. That itsself was hilarious to watch. Cassandra returned, bouncy as ever, and leapt back on to the bed. "Mom says Saturday is fine with her. This guy Rick asked her out and she told him she would think about it."

"Yeah, she told me about him," Sam recalled. "That's great, we'll have so much fun."

Janet entered the room and smiled apologetically. "Sorry, I have to get Cassandra home. But she'll be back on Saturday, if not before then." Cassandra groaned, but Sam shot her a look telling her to do as her mother said, and she got up and grabbed her stuff. She gave Sam such an enormous hug that the poor woman ended up gently removing her. She hugged the others quickly, and then left the room. "Night guys," Janet said, before following after her.

Sam sat up and pulled back her quilt, crawling over the bed and getting in. She pulled it over herself and lay back. "Ah, that's nice," she grinned. "I should have really gotten changed first, but I couldn't be bothered. I took my shoes off…"

"Do you wish to retire, Major Carter?" Teal'c inquired.

"No, not yet. Just getting comfy is all, Teal'c," she replied, with a contented sigh. "If you guys have things to do I am fine, but I welcome the company if you want to stay." The guys looked at each other, and then all sat back in their seats.


	21. The Guilt Thing NEW

**_After the Days 20: The Guilt Thing_**

_By Jolinar Carter aka JessMerrick_

**A/N: Okay someone mentioned they hope this wasn't going to turn in to a S/J story. Well, After the Days is very much about Sam, and Jack, and how they deal with Sam's illness, caused by A Hundred Days. It's about their friendship, fixing it, and how they've realised they have deeper feelings for each other. But no, it will not be turning in to a romance, I don't think so anyway. They might have some feelings for each other, but they will not be acting upon them. Oh and for those of you who thought this would be the Cassie sleepover, sorry. It's moving on. Suggestions welcomed…**

-

There was a knock at the door and Sam smiled to herself – she had a door again! She had been in this room for a week now, but she was still getting used to it. "Come in," she called. The door opened to reveal Colonel O'Neill, as expected. He entered, closing the door behind him, and sat down in the chair nearest her bed. He was carrying a bag, she noticed, but assumed it was his gym bag. She was dressed, sat on top of the bed with music playing from the stereo. It sounded to him like Sarah McLachlan. "Music, cool."

"Hi sir," she nodded looking down at the pad of paper she was writing on. "I had some thoughts about something that you would find very boring so I thought I'd jot them down and send them to one of the other scientists."

"Good idea," he said. "So, I hear you have quite a busy day ahead of you."

"Yeah, I do," she grinned. "I feel pretty good today. I feel better since I moved in here. Thank you so much. I, uh…I have lots going on today. Seeing a few different people, getting off of the level for a little bit with this friend of Janet's they called in…"

"Doctor Morgan?" He frowned.

"No…someone else," she shrugged. "Anyway I feel like I'm actually getting somewhere now." She stood up, and pulled her shirt up slightly, revealing part of her stomach and her jeans, which a few weeks ago had been falling off of her even with a belt. They still had the belt, and were still quite lose, but they weren't threatening to fall down any more. "Look!"

"Wow," he exclaimed, standing up. She let her shirt fall back down and smiled as the colonel stepped forward and hugged her. "I am so proud of you, we all are. You're doing ever so well."

"Thank you, sir," she said. "I'm having a good spell. I could very well get worse again, or I could be back to my old weight in a couple of months. Who knows?"

"That's not going to happen – you're not going to get worse again," He smiled, his hands on her shoulders. "I believe that. Listen, I thought I'd better let you know that we have a mission tomorrow. I just found out about it literally five minutes ago."

"Oh," she said, trying to keep the happy expression from disappearing from her face. "That's great, I bet you were going mad having so few missions lately. I'm sure Teal'c will be pleased."

"It's only for two days," he said, reclaiming his seat. She hopped up on to the bed and let her legs dangle off the sides. "It's a routine meet and greet…although you know as well as I do they're usually the ones that go south. But I'm sure we'll be back on time, in tip top condition."

"Yes sir."

"I bought you something," He said reaching for the bag which he'd placed under the chair. He took out a small plastic bag and tossed it to her. She peered inside and her face lit up again. "Thought you might like. I was at the mall the other day…Doc okayed this stuff a minute ago. Apparently you're not on suicide watch any more."

"That is extremely kind of you, sir," Sam exclaimed, tipping the contents on to the bed. Inside were several packs of incense, her favourite type, a couple of pink candles and some very posh bubble baths. He had obviously bought similar for his ex-wife, Sara, before. "I don't deserve all of this, and…"

"Shut up," he told her, and she did, staring at him. He smiled his adorable smile and she smiled back slightly. "Sorry, but…you do deserve it. You were sick, you died, Carter. You were kidnapped, and you were brought back to life, almost got implanted with a snake, escaped and collapsed alone in the woods. You got back to Earth only to face a very painful and very long recovery. You've been through a hell of a lot in the past few weeks. More than anyone should go through. You deserve a lot more than I'm giving you."

She turned red at this, redirecting her gaze at Cassandra's favourite teddy bear, Cher (named during her _Clueless: TV Series_ phase), who was sitting on a chair in the corner, keeping a careful eye on her as ordered by the thirteen-year-old. "Sir…I wish you could deal with this guilt thing."

"When you're better, I won't feel so guilty. Actually, I probably will, but…maybe a little less so," he shrugged. "Look, I feel responsible. I was an ass. You worked your butt off to get me home and I was ungreatful. As I've told you before, I'd accepted that I was never coming home and tried to move on and make a life for myself. I was thrilled when I heard the radio crackle and Teal'c's voice. I wish I'd gone about things differently…hugged you, thanked you, said how pleased I was to see you and the guys. I didn't. It wouldn't have made that much of a difference but you might not have been so down."

"You're right," she sighed. "It wouldn't have made the slightest difference. Your failure to thank me right away didn't cause me to suddenly become ill. I already was. Yes, I got this way while working to get you back, but you did not ask me to do that! I did it because…" she paused, stopping herself. Her voice was getting louder, and she was turning red. She was getting worked up and that wasn't a good idea. She couldn't say what she was about to say.

"Because why?" He asked, secretly longing to hear her say _Because I Love You_, but knowing she couldn't, and that she wouldn't.

"Because…I couldn't stand to lose another person in my life, another friend. I wanted you home. I did this, ME!" She yelled. "Don't you get it? It's my fault I am this way, NOT YOURS! Stop blaming yourself, sir. Just, stop it. Please. It's hard enough for me without worrying about you blaming yourself for something you had no control over! I feel bad that you feel bad, I feel responsible that you feel responsible! It sounds selfish, I know, but…I can't take you blaming yourself any more!" She was crying, silently, now, and she lay down on the bed, on her side, facing him. "Please," she said, softly now.

"I'm sorry I upset you," Jack said, getting up. "Believe me, the last thing I wanted to do when I came here this morning was to upset you further." He gazed at her sadly, and then left her by herself.

He wandered down the hall, hands in his pockets, head hung. Suddenly he found himself on the floor, looking up at Daniel. "Damn it, Daniel!" He groaned, as the younger man extended a hand. He took it and stood up, ignoring the pain in his knee and back. "You need a bell or something."

"You weren't looking where you were going," the archaeologist frowned. "You look like you were just told they ordered Uma Thurman to never do a nude scene. What's going on?"

"I just went to visit S…Carter…and I just upset her. She was yelling at me, she ended up crying," he replied sourly, shaking his head. "I officially suck."

"At times I wouldn't disagree," Daniel smiled. "But you're not that bad. What happened, what did you say to upset her? You may be able to fix it with large amounts of grovelling and gifts." He started walking again, toward his lab and Jack fell into step with him, still moody and depressed.

"I bought her gifts and that lead to her getting pissed that I was still blaming myself for her being ill and her yelling at me it wasn't my fault and stop blaming myself because it's making her feel responsible for me feeling responsible…it's confusing…" he said. "Women, huh?"

"Yeah…listen…you really shouldn't blame yourself. You were a jerk but you've apologised and made it up to her. You've definitely made up for it…let it go and focus on helping her get better. That's the best thing you can do to ease your guilt anyway, is to be there for her," He told him, entering his lab. Jack leaned in the doorway, thinking.

"I just walked out. I said I was sorry, the last thing I wanted to do was cause her more pain. I shouldn't have walked. I should have stayed and tried to change the subject, or something…apologise…whatever," he banged his head against the doorframe. "Idiot, idiot, idiot."

"Don't be so hard on yourself," Daniel commanded in that great Jack impersonation. He sat down at his desk and opened a large and rather old looking book. "Why don't you grab some jello for the two of you and go watch The Simpsons? You're only meant to be at work, oh, twenty minutes ago and you're usually late anyway. If you take another half hour you'll be kind of on time for work anyway. Hammond is being good about this whole mess anyway."

"I think I'll do that, thanks," The colonel said, and then jogged off. When he arrived back in the infirmary corridor, he found a message on the whiteboard saying DO NOT DISTURB. He looked at the sign, then at the two jell-os in his hand, and then at the sign again. "Carter, it's me…I have blue jello."

There were muffled voices, and then the door opened a fraction and he could see Doctor Fraiser. "Now is not a good time, sir," she informed him coldly, and then closed the door again.

Jack sighed as the door slammed in his face and wondered what to do next. There was a chance that they were just talking about Sam's health, or she was getting examined or something. But he suspected it was far more likely Sam was upset and Janet was trying to comfort her. He decided to leave the jell-o outside and go and get some work done. He would come back in around an hour and see if she would see him.

As he walked off, he scratched his head, wondering when his life had gotten so complicated again.

He had finished roughly a third of the paperwork stacked on his desk when he looked up to find he had a visitor, in the form of his second in command. She was dressed in baggy tracksuit and sneakers, sat in the chair in front of his desk. Huh, he hadn't even heard her enter. "Hey, Carter…" he said, trying to work out if this conversation was going to be good or bad.

"Sir," she smiled awkwardly, her hands coming to rest on her knees. "I wanted to apologise for earlier. And then Janet…she was examining me. It was the third time we had been interrupted and I was frustrated with some stuff…"

"Stuff being me or being your weight?" He asked, and he knew from the look on her face. "Ah. Weight not what you thought it was going to be?"

"Yeah," she sighed.

"You'll get there," he replied coolly. "I was thinking of asking if I could take you out tomorrow night, what do you think about that, Sam? I promised your brother I'd take care of you and I want to. Plus it'll be nice for you to get out of here, and it will also save me another lonely TV dinner for one watching reruns of _JAG_."

"Don't suppose there's any chance of making it tonight?" She asked sweetly.

"I'll see what I can do," He nodded, smiling. "I was thinking O'Malley's. Big fat burgers with onion rings and fries and ketchup and cheesecake for desert and diet soda because you've always liked the taste better. I'll let you have your diet soda."

"Sounds…" she paused, and he frowned. "Sounds…fun…sir."

"Good. I will talk to Janet," He promised. "Now go! I have lots of work to do, and so do you, you said this morning! Go! Plus you must have a member of the nursing staff waiting right outside this room, don't want to keep them waiting."

"Yes sir!" She laughed, standing up and strolling over to the door, looking a lot more like the old Sam, he noticed. The way she was walking, the speed, she looked stronger, happier. And slightly bigger.

As soon as she had gone, Jack grinned and picked up the phone. "Hey, Doc, it's me. I was wondering…Carter just came to see me here in my office. I thought I might take her out for dinner tonight or tomorrow? I think it would do her good. Yes, my thoughts exactly. We can see how it goes. Sure. Yes. Great! Thank you. Thanks Doc, bye!" He hung up and nodded to himself. "Not tonight, but tomorrow isn't bad."

* * *

**Okay I got a little lost again here I know this was a little dull – sorry! Anyway, dinner next chapter, how will it go out and about? She hasn't told Jacob yet, will she? How long before she can go home? (Evil grin.) You'll find out faster if you leave great feedback…**


	22. The Diner NEW

Notes: Okay, if any of this is a little bad then sorry. It's possible for the problem to be a mix like Sam's seems to be so far. Ok, this is kind of inspired by a scene from one of my favourite movies, Hunger Point.

-

Jack glanced over at his second and smiled as she looked at him, going self-conscious. "Sorry…I was just thinking it's good to see you happy. It's happening a little more recently, it's good, very good."

She nodded, "It's good. Yeah. Uh, Colonel…"

"Sam, remember the rules of this outing?" He asked her quietly, leaning over the diner table. "I'm Jack, you're Sam. Not Colonel, not Major. Just Jack and Sam. Okay? We're not officers, we're just…friends." Ouch, that had been painful to say. He didn't realise it but it had upset Sam too. He still believed Daniel had been imagining things, why would a beautiful talented amazingly clever woman like her want an old colonel with a sometimes screwed up knee and a sarcastic answer to everything?

"Sorry, Jack," she said. Before she had…died…she had gotten used to calling him by his first name, but once she had been resurrected and admitted in to the infirmary she had begun calling him by his rank again. It felt good to say it. "Thank you for breaking me out for a few hours."

"Well it's not exactly unselfish. It's good company, and it's also a therapy of sorts for you," He shrugged, tapping on the table as he sometimes did when he was debating whether or not to say something.

"What is it, Jack?" She asked, taking a small sip of diet soda through her straw. She then leaned back, smiling. She loved this place, always had, and the colonel knew that well. This was the booth they usually had when they came as a unit.

"I was just wondering if you'd spoken to Marc recently, or if you've thought any more about Jacob," Jack admitted, eventually picking up his mug and taking a slurp of his coffee. It was too early for alcohol and he wasn't a fan of soda.

She leant forward and took another sip of her drink, after she'd swallowed chewing absent-mindedly on her straw like he'd seen her do so many times. "I was going to message Dad a couple of days ago, then yesterday, and today…I keep putting it off. I'll try again tomorrow. As for Marc, he's called a couple of times and we've chatted for a couple of hours both times."

"I'm glad," he nodded. "About Marc. And as for Dad…do it in your own time. Just make sure 'your own time' is in the next twenty four hours or he'll probably kill you." Dumb ass, dumb ass! Stupid thing to say. "Sorry."

"No…" she smiled slightly. "You're right."

The waitress came over and stood in front of them, looking at them expectantly. "What would you like?" She asked. Her badge identified her as Susan.

"I'll have a…cheeseburger and fries please, and another coffee," Jack replied after taking a couple of seconds to think. Sam was still scanning the menu, probably trying to count up the calories for all he knew.

"And for the Mrs?" Susan asked after waiting a couple of minutes.

"Umm…" Sam said for the third time, screwing her face up. She didn't notice the 'Mrs' comment yet. "I'll have…a glass of water…" Her CO raised his eyebrow, and she paused for a minute. "Uh…okay…diet soda. And…chicken caeser salad. Please." This process had been rather odd to watch, it had looked as if she was having some kind of attack. She was sweating, shaking ever so slightly and was taking deep breaths. Jack didn't look thrilled but he didn't look angry either, and he didn't re-order, so she figured he was okay with her choices. Besides she had noticed him ordering extra side orders.

"Coming right up," The waitress said and then hurried off.

"Am I in trouble for not asking for a chilli cheeseburger with extra fries?" She asked once they were alone.

"Nah…ceaser salad is pretty good, and I know it's your favourite," Jack smiled. "And apple pie or something for desert."

"Sorry if I embarrased you then…" She whispered. "It's just…"

"Hey!" He exclaimed. "You didn't embarrass me. Please don't think like that."

"Did she call me your wife?" She finally realised, and he chuckled. "Oh my god. It took me a minute to process it. She called me your wife!"

"I know, honeybunch," he grinned. There was silence for a little while, but the food came out pretty quickly so it wasn't a bad silence. Friendly, too. Susan set the plate down in front of him and he tucked right in, keeping a watchful eye on Sam as he ate.

She sat there, staring at the plate until he placed a gentle hand on top of hers, squeezing it and looking her in the eyes and then letting go. She picked up her knife and fork and cut the salad and chicken in to tiny pieces.

A group of young men and women sitting at the counter, behind Sam saw her and started pointing, laughing at her and one even mimicked her actions. She didn't seem to hear, to wrapped up in trying to get through her meal, but Jack noticed. "Look…" one whispered, and Jack gave them his best Scary Colonel I Can Kill You With My Bare Hands In Under Ten Seconds look. It seemed to work, as they turned back to their own meals.

She took a few bites over a few minutes and then dropped her cutlery, taking a drink. She stopped and looked at him sadly. "I'm sorry sir…"

"Take a break, Carter, take your time," he told her softly. "It's not a race." She watched as he took the lid of the bun off and spread on some ketchup. She watched him, licking her lips, and he looked up at her, stopping what he was doing, surprised. "What…are you getting off on this or something?" He joked.

"Put more ketchup on," she told him, staring at his hands.

"I'm going to, in a minute," he said, spreading on some more from the little pot he'd been given.

"More."

"Okay, okay," he said. "Do you want this or something?" She shook her head, and so he replaced the top of the bun and took a large bite, Sam watching him intensely. "This is one…unusual…dining experience. I feel like I'm on the stage…_Jack! Or, Jack Eats: The Musical._"

"Sorry…" she blushed. "Is it good?"

"Yeah, tastes great. You can have a bite if you want…" he said, shrugging.

"No…" Sam said. "I'm fine." She had a couple more bites and then stopped again. "It's nice to be out of that mountain. It really, really is."

"If you want to see daylight again in the near future you should eat all your meal," he told her quietly. "If you get a gold star from me for today, then Janet just might let you out again soon."

She nodded and managed a little more. Eventually three quarters of the meal were gone, and she wiped her mouth with a napkin. "Is that enough?" she asked. He nodded. "Good. I'm not sure I have room for dessert, but if you're buying…"

"I am indeed," he confirmed. "Oh Susan!" The waitress looked up and jetted over to them. "Could we have two orders of apple pie please?" She took their plates and went off to get the dessert. He watched his second as she sat there, hand on her stomach, tapping on the desk, and he knew she wanted to run. She felt awful, and she was doing her best to fight her impulses. He took her hand again and it seemed to give her more strength. "I'm really proud of you. I know I said already but I'm saying it again, I am so proud."

The waitress returned with the puddings and set them down in front of them. Sam had a hard time with it but Jack managed to get her to have most of it. Once she'd finished she pushed it away. "Great. Waitress, can we have the bill please?" He called straight away. The waitress nodded to him from her station and went about getting their cheque. He quickly paid and left a tip for her by his coffee cup and then he and Sam left. "You go on ahead, Sam," he told her, and she shrugged and took the keys from him. Once she was outside he turned and glared at the people who had been making fun of her. He said a few hushed but angry words to them, and they paled. His work was done, and he left, joining Sam in the car. "Sorry, had to check something with the bill."

"Oh, okay," she sighed. "So back to the base?"

"You did well. You really did," he said, patting her knee before putting on his seatbelt and then starting the engine. "Yes, back to the base. Oh, joy! You know, if you'd like, I can stick around for a while."

"So you can keep an eye on me?" She snapped. "Janet has nurses to do that."

"No, so I can hang out with you," he told her calmly, used to her weird moods recently. He fiddled with the radio before they set out on the journey back to Cheyenne Mountain, leaving it on a station playing Lynyrd Skynyrd. "Sweet home Alabama…" he sang.

_**Shortish. Sorry. Review, review!**_


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